About Leaving Another Comfort Zone

Last Friday was my last day at work. I still remembered how inferior I felt during the first few weeks of working in PASKA Kemdikbud, because I have to work with talented, bright, young people who have more experiences than I do.

It turns out, there's nothing to feel intimidated about. Yes, they are smart and ambitious, but they're not condescending, nor do they make me feel stupid and unheard. In fact, I became the most assertive version of myself in the last few months, and I just couldn't be prouder.

The beloved, extraordinary team.

From them, I learned about politics, economy, education, policy making, and everything else that's happening on the news, thanks to our diverse background & their broad knowledge. But further than that, they taught me about life, too. That Allah's plans won't ever be late nor wrong, that sometimes we don't get what we want and we need to be resilient, and that we have to fight for the things that are worth fighting for. They taught me to be more assertive, to not (always) take things personally, to be ambitious in pursuing what I aspire to be, to do something and not just whining about something we don't like, to always make other people (even our subordinates) feels heard and appreciated, and so much more. 

Before I got selected to be a part of the team, I did expect meeting talented, smart, hard working people that I can learn from; but never expected good friends who would listen and accept me for what I am. I never expected having another support system whom I can trust and be myself around. Never thought they would enter the circle I kept small. And yet they did! 

Because even when I become the geekiest, weirderst, most gullible, most idealistic, or most ambitious version of myself, I'd still feel heard and accepted. Even when I felt immature and emotional, they would still be there.

Just in case any of you read this, I want to say thank you for the last 6 months (that actually felt like forever, given the work burden). Thank you for making my first working-at-a-company experience bearable and memorable. And thank you for your kind words at the farewell dinner, which I will definitely hold on to when I'm having a bad day.

I usually hate saying goodbyes, but after saying it repeatedly for the last three years, I don't anymore. Leaving means entering a new world, exploring new things, and meeting new people. It means enlarging the circle even more, and finding another comfort zone. Because goodbye means hello, and that's something I should feel excited about. And it's not even goodbye, anyway, because I believe our paths will cross again someday soon.

As cliché as it sounds. (Source: weheartit)

So even though I have been in mellow mode since the last two weeks, I feel grateful and delighted that Allah had introduced me to them. His plans have and will never fail, so why should I worry about the future, again?

Tentang Pendidikan dan Politik

Rasanya seperti membaca buku atau menonton film dengan akhir yang twisted. Atau seperti patah hati, malah lebih buruk lagi. Kaget, sedih, kecewa. Bingung.

Memang jika urusannya politik, hati tidak boleh banyak bermain. "Ini sudah biasa," kata orang-orang. "Hak prerogatif," kata sebagian yang lain.

Dalam hati, saya malu sendiri. Entah terlalu polos atau idealis, tapi rasa sedih itu tak bisa disembunyikan. Apa yang sudah dikerjakan bersama selama enam bulan terakhir yang akan jadi taruhan. Terlalu polos kah saya jika sempat percaya bahwa pendidikan kita pelan-pelan akan membaik? Terlalu lugu kah saya jika sempat yakin bahwa apa yang kami kerjakan kemarin benar-benar akan bermanfaat bagi banyak orang? Terlalu naif kah saya jika menitikkan air mata hanya karena memikirkan kelanjutan hal-hal positif yang sudah dilakukan bersama?

Seumur-umur, rasanya saya tak pernah benar-benar peduli dengan reshuffle kabinet. Sampai kejadiannya berlangsung di depan mata saya sendiri. Reshuffle ternyata bukan hanya perihal mengganti satu menteri, tapi juga memecat puluhan orang hebat yang tidak punya salah apa-apa. Soal memutus perjuangan yang baru saja dimulai. Karena merubah pola pikir dan kebiasaan serta menamkan nilai-nilai baru tentu membutuhkan waktu lebih banyak dari dua puluh bulan.

Berat rasanya untuk menerima, tapi toh keputusan sudah diambil. Tidak ada yang bisa dilakukan selain berdoa bahwa hal-hal baik yang telah dirintis bisa berlanjut dan membawa perubahan besar, dan tetap melangkah untuk terus berkontribusi dengan jalan lain yang dikuasai.

Teman bekerja dan berdiskusi serta sumber belajar saya selama enam bulan terakhir.

Pak, terima kasih karena telah mempercayai kami, pemuda-pemudi bau kencur dengan minat dan semangat besar untuk memajukan pendidikan di Indonesia, untuk membantu mengawal isu-isu strategis Mendikbud. Terima kasih karena telah mendengarkan kami dan berdiskusi tanpa peduli dengan lapisan struktural, perbedaan usia, serta pengalaman. Terima kasih karena telah menjadi pribadi yang santun, bijak, hangat, menginspirasi, dan selalu berusaha mengingat nama orang lain meskipun harus dicatat.

Hari pertama berinteraksi dengan Pak Anies. Beliau yang minta berfoto bersama karena tahu kami masih malu-malu.

Terima kasih karena telah menunjukkan kemampuan bicara yang luar biasa, serta memberikan banyak ide dan terobosan yang menarik. Terima kasih karena telah memperjuangkan pendidikan dan tidak mereduksinya menjadi kartu senilai satu juta rupiah per tahun serta sekolah pencetak tenaga kerja. Terima kasih karena telah menunjukkan pentingnya peran keluarga, keterlibatan publik, disiplin positif, kemampuan berpikir kritis dan literasi abad-21, serta remunerasi dan jenjang karir yang sesuai dengan kompetensi dan kinerja. Terima kasih karena telah pelan-pelan mengajak para birokrat untuk berjalan ke arah yang lebih baik, untuk bekerja dengan lebih efektif dan menjadi pemimpin yang egaliter.

Enam bulan ini, saya belajar bahwa Bapak bukanlah sosok sempurna yang luput dari kesalahan, namun manusia yang berusaha semaksimal mungkin untuk melakukan yang terbaik. Saya percaya Bapak bisa terus menyalakan lilin dimanapun dan menggerakkan semangat jutaan pemuda untuk mulai memikirkan kelanjutan bangsanya.

Tangisan warga Kemdikbud melepas Pak Anies (diambil oleh Ade Chandra)

Sekali lagi, terima kasih untuk semuanya. Kementerian Pendidikan dan Kebudayaan bukan hanya kehilangan seorang Anies Baswedan, tapi juga sebagian besar timnya yang benar-benar peduli dengan kemajuan pendidikan dan mau bekerja keras untuk membuat perubahan.

Seperti kata Bapak, menteri boleh berganti, tapi ikhtiar kita semua untuk mendidik anak bangsa tak boleh terhenti.

Tentang Kritik dan Mengkritik

Banyak insight yang saya dapatkan selama 6 bulan menjadi konsultan di Kementerian Pendidikan, khususnya selama hampir 3 bulan terakhir, karena saya dan teman-teman membantu menangani isu-isu strategis pendidikan. Salah satu insight penting yang saya pelajari adalah pentingnya berhati-hati dalam mengajukan kritik.

Sure, kritik membantu memberikan tekanan kepada pihak tertentu untuk berubah menjadi lebih baik, apalagi kritik yang disampaikan berulang di media massa. Sayangnya, beberapa kritik yang saya baca belakangan tentang pendidikan cenderung tidak konstruktif dan kadang tidak tepat sasaran. Hal ini akan berdampak negatif, karena opini tersebut dapat mengarahkan sikap dan perilaku masyarakat.

Saya akhirnya juga belajar untuk tidak asal tunjuk ketika ada masalah. Bahwa tidak semua masalah di negeri ini disebabkan oleh Pemerintah. Bahwa Pemerintah sebenarnya juga mengetahui masalah-masalah yang ada dan berjuang keras untuk mencari solusinya, meskipun kadang langkah yang diambil masih kurang tepat atau hanya merefleksikan isomorphic mimicry - meniru best practice di negara lain namun tidak secara menyeluruh (hanya kulitnya saja), sehingga masalah pun tidak berkurang secara signifikan.

Saya pun belajar bahwa, jika suatu saat saya akan memberikan kritik, saya harus menganalisis dulu masalahnya secara obyektif dan mendalam. Siapa saja yang mungkin berperan, apa pokok permasalahannya, dan apa solusi yang paling feasible. Karena satu lagi yang saya pahami setelah menjadi bagian dari Pemerintah: It's not easy to please everyone in the country. Kebijakan dibuat dengan mempertimbangkan banyak hal; bukan hanya masalah idealisme atau purely berdasarkan teori dan hasil penelitian.

Negara kita luasnya bukan main, ragamnya juga. Maka tidak bijak ketika kita terus-terusan membandingkan kualitas pendidikan di Indonesia dengan di Singapura atau Finlandia tanpa mempertimbangkan faktor lain. Karena tahu kah kamu kalau warga negara Singapura banyaknya kurang lebih sama dengan jumlah guru di Indonesia? Tahu kah kamu bahwa sistem desentralisasi di Indonesia menyebabkan banyak aktor kunci berperan dalam menentukan pencapaian pendidikan, selain pemerintah pusat?

Sistem pendidikan kita memang masih jauh dari sempurna. Tapi sebelum berkoar-koar dan menyalahkan para pembuat kebijakan, tidak ada salahnya kan, untuk mempelajari dulu kebijakan apa yang rencananya akan diterapkan dalam beberapa tahun ke depan?

Sistem pendidikan kita memang masih jauh dari sempurna, tapi percaya lah, we're heading there. Kritik tentu tetap boleh ditayangkan, namun dengan tujuan yang baik, untuk mengingatkan para pembuat kebijakan untuk konsisten melakukan perubahan; bukan untuk menaikkan nama pribadi dan menjatuhkan orang lain. Berbaik sangka itu penting, disertai dengan dukungan nyata agar semua rencana baik bisa terlaksana.

(Source: Pinterest)

Karena satu hal lagi yang saya pelajari: Banyak orang yang sibuk mengkritik, tapi hanya sebagian yang benar-benar peduli dan mau membantu.

About The New Job and The Work-Life Balance

I know I'm not a company kind of girl, so it never crossed my mind that I might work 9-to-5 (or more like 8 to 7) every day. Yet I have been for a month, and I don't dislike it.

This is a new experience for me. Working directly under the minister (as his delivery unit team) requires me to work fast and well, without any excuse. And the more I read and know about the issue I handle, the more I become even more baffled about how to make the education system in Indonesia better, because everything is just so intricate. 

The perks overcome the drawbacks, though. I learn so much from working for the prominent minister for a month. I learn through the way he treats his subordinates, the way he sets examples, the way he talks with such rhetorics, and the way he thinks outside of the box to solve problems. My family is so annoyed now because now I can't stop talking about him. I'm aware that he's also flawed; I'm just thrilled to know that the future of education is on the hand of someone with high values and integrity. And that I got to be a (small) part of it.

It's not just the minister that is delightful to work with. I have a great team consists of smart, ambitious people who are also passionate about education (or at least, about making Indonesia a better country). I love working with people whom I can learn in abundance from. Our background is so diverse, every discussion becomes fascinating. Through them, I learn a lot about policy making and beyond. I also learn that I need to be more assertive and decisive, especially when dealing with powerful people. And more importantly, that I need to always keep in mind that I cannot please everyone, and I shouldn't even try to.

Some of the people I work with.

The toughest part about this job is actually not the job itself, but the fact that I have to commute every day. The train is always so full of people, I can't even stand on both feet sometimes. Being stuck on a train and in a traffic jam on a daily basis make me a bit grumpy and both physically and mentally exhausted. But hey, if thousands of people can survive it, why can't I?

Despite the fact that I do enjoy working, this is not something that I want to do for the rest of my life. I enjoy working too much, I'm afraid I can't stop and balance my life. A doctor that I visited (yes, I went to the doctor for the first time in three years; within my first month of working) was shocked knowing that I had to go to the office on the day I visited her and on the weekend. That moment, I realized that I have been quite a workaholic - and that's not good if I want to have a balanced, content life.

I do love working at a company and I love myself when I work hard for a cause I care about, but I believe I can do that as a freelancer (in this case, as a psychologist) when I have a family of my own. Because prioritize is not about choosing something I like over something I don't; it's about choosing which one of the things I enjoy doing is more relevant to my aspiration. I admire working moms, though, especially if they have to do it to support the family. It's not easy to juggle between work and family, even as a sister and a daughter, let alone a wife and a mother. So, yeah, hats off to those supermoms who can find the work-family balance!

Still a few more months to go. I hope I have enough strength to survive, if not to thrive.

Don't forget to make time for yourself.

To Make A Change

I have finally got a job - and guess what, it's exactly the job that I've been dreaming of - something I wrote about 5 months ago. 

Ever since I received a leadership training for LPDP, I am well-fed with facts which prove that my country needs a change, as well as a lot of bright and honest people who are willing to do the change. We were told that no, it's not the abundance of evil people that makes a country corrupt and degenerate, it's the lack of good people who are willing to do something about it.

Long story short, I naively want to make a change in the educational system; something with bigger impacts than teaching a few children. And what's better than working with people who make the policy, in order to do that? Luckily, Allah heard my prayer, as always. I asked him to open a door for me after he closed a few windows, and yet he opened a wide gate.

Indeed, He is. (source)

I now work as an educational consultant for the ministry of education. It's not a permanent job, but it's fine considering I'm still not sure about what my next step is going to be. I get to work in a team consists of two other people who are both smart, experienced, yet humble and respect me - two people whom I can learn so much from and I can respect effortlessly. 

Just like any other job in the world, certaintly it's not perfect. There are some people who makes my head dizzy, too. People with long title, high position, yet no intention of doing their best to help people. People who reflects the old saying, "Empty barrels make the loudest noise." People who I have been meaning to ask, "How do you sleep at night?"

Nonetheless, this job is more than enough for me. I will have the chance to learn about the process behind a policy making, to talk to and meet with prominent people in the country, to travel to a few of cities, and, more importantly, to make a change, no matter how small. The job is also challenging, and I need to learn fast in order to keep up because apparently I'm a complete novice - but that's better than being trapped in my own comfort zone, right?

It's a new opportunity, a new journey. I still can't believe how amazing Allah's plan is. I promise to myself that I'll do my best and keep my idealism intact.

This job is a perfect, perfect way to end this incredible year and to start my 22 with. Once again, I am given with more blessings than I deserve. Although this time it is not only a blessing, but also a huge responsibility.

I hope things works out well for you, too.

To Teach

I always have passion in teaching, be it to children or adults. Be they preschoolers, K-12 students, adolescents, diverse learners, or even bright university students. Whether it's English, psychology, or Quran. It's somehow rewarding and can shower me with immense bliss, the feeling that even money can't do.

It's the way the students' face light up to know that it's me who will teach them again. Or the way they talk about other-not-so-fun-teachers in front of me. Or the way the laugh so freely and look enthusiastic. It's the way they smile and nod to hear what I explain. Or the way they trust me with their personal problems. It's the way they listen to me so carefully, even though some of them look unfocused and sleepy sometimes. Or the way they ask to take a picture with me. It's the way they appreciate me with a "thank you", and the way they say goodbye at the end of the day. Observing them, and knowing that I seem to do well, always make my day. 

Teaching is one of a few activities that I don't mind doing without being paid. I can teach for hours without being exhausted. It's the feeling that makes me think that I'm actually helping someone to be a better person, I guess. That I can persuade someone with things that I always value. That somehow, I matter. Even though it might not be true, teaching always make me feel good and confident about myself. Teaching is not an easy thing to do, but I love it anyway. 

"The teacher is the one who gets the most out of the lessons, and the true teacher is the learner." - Elbert Hubbart

To more years of teaching, no matter where, how, and whom to. 

Tentang Sebuah Akhir

Ini dia yang dirahasian sama murid-murid dan rekan-rekan kerja saya selama sebulan terakhir:

Sukses bikin saya nangis, padahal saya anaknya nggak gampang nangis. Idenya sederhana, tapi saya tahu banget bikinnya penuh perjuangan. Kemampuan motorik halus mayoritas murid saya tidak sebaik anak-anak seusia mereka, jadi saya tahu, menggambar wajah orang itu bukan hal gampang. Apalagi warnain semuanya, pakai pinsil warna, dengan rapi. Beberapa anak punya rentang atensi yang cukup singkat, sehingga mewarnai dengan pinsil warna di bidang yang cukup luas juga bukan perkara mudah.

Nulis kalimat juga bukan perkara gampang. Ada yang udah bisa nulis kalimat pakai ide sendiri, ada yang harus didikte, bahkan ada yang harus dibantu mengeja supaya bisa menulis sebagus ini.

Ah, saya pasti rindu mereka: Anak-anak hebat kebanggaan saya. Anak-anak hebat yang memberikan pelajaran lebih banyak ke saya daripada saya ke mereka. Anak-anak hebat yang jadi salah satu sumber kebahagiaan saya selama delapan belas bulan belakangan.

I'm not good at goodbyes. Saya juga termasuk orang yang sulit menjalin hubungan jangka-panjang. Tapi keluar dari zona nyaman itu sebuah keharusan, ya kan?

 Nggak sabar ketemu sumber-sumber belajar yang lain!

About A Secret

Early in the morning, after being absent for a week:

Amree: "Ibu Ayas... I have a secret!"

Ayas: "Ya? What's that?"

Amree: "Nothing!"

Amree: "Ibu Ayas, Ibu Alitta and Ibu Hana have a secret!"

Ayas: "What secret?"

Alitta: "What are you talking about, Amree?"

Shakira: "Ibu Ayas, I draw you!"

Ayas: "Where?"

Shakira: "At school."

Ayas: "I mean, where is the drawing? Can I see it?"

Nicole: "Shakira.... you cannot tell!!"

I guess I know what it is all about. The fact that they're preparing a parting gift saddens me. I mean, it's getting real. I'm excited to know that I'm going to pursue my dream, but leaving them will not be easy. They have become a significant part of my life. I'm sure I will miss them deeply - my favorite students and colleagues.

Sebut Saja Rasya

Sebut saja Rasya. Anak laki-laki berusia delapan tahun. Lahir di Perancis dan dibesarkan di dalam lingkungan dengan Bahasa Perancis, Bahasa Inggris,  dan Bahasa Indonesia. Rasya terlambat bicara. Kemampuan inteligensinya mungkin rata-rata, tapi ia tidak bicara. Entah tidak bisa atau tidak mau. Buat saya, Rasya adalah misteri.

Rasya pernah didiagnosis autistik oleh salah satu psikolog. Terang saja, ketika saya pertama kali bertemu dengan Rasya, ia sedang asik bermain sendiri di bawah meja ketika gurunya sedang menjelaskan. Selama satu tahun pertama di sekolah dasar,  Rasya terjebak di dalam kelas mainstream, dengan seorang shadow teacher sebagai pendamping. Meskipun ada di kelas mainstream, saya langsung menyadari ada yang berbeda dari Rasya sejak pandangan pertama. 

Ketika pertama kali diantar ke bagian special education untuk melakukan trial (karena ia dirasa lebih baik berada di lingkungan Spec-Ed),  Rasya mengamuk. Ia menangis, diam, dan meminta untuk kembali ke kelas satu.

Seminggu pertama di bagian Spec-Ed, Rasya mulai merasa nyaman. Ia mulai mau bermain dengan anak-anak lain di Spec-Ed. Rasya sudah tidak lagi menangis. Namun, ia masih enggan bicara. Ia memilih untuk diam,  atau hanya bertanya "apa?" berulang-ulang, seolah-olah tidak mengerti pertanyaan yang diberikan.

Lama kelamaan, Rasya mulai merasa nyaman. Ia menemukan teman dekat dan asik bermain dengan mereka. Rasya lebih percaya diri. Kemampuan akademiknya pun melesat jauh.  Rasya sudah mulai bisa membaca, dan menguasai matematika sesuai dengan usianya.  Semua guru makin yakin kalau Rasya bukan anak autistik. Rasya hanya memilih untuk diam, entah kenapa. Saya juga belum punya kapasitas untuk memberikan diagnosis. Mungkin selective mustism? Entahlah.

Imajinasi, preokupasi, dan bakat Rasya

Setiap pagi, Rasya dan temannya, sebut saja Rama, selalu datang lebih pagi daripada saya. Ketika melewati mereka setiap pagi, saya selalu menyapa mereka berdua. Terkadang saya hanya menyapa Rama, lalu menikmati pandangan Rasya yang ingin sekali disapa. 

"Sya, bilang apa kalau ketemu Bu Ayas?"
"Apa?"
"Selamat......  apa Sya?"
"Selamat apa?"
"Selamat pagi atau selamat malam?"
"Apa?"
"Selamat pagi Bu Ayas....  gitu Sya."
"Selamat pagi Bu Ayas...." kata Rasya dengan suara yang nyaris tak terdengar, sambil tersenyum iseng.

Kejadian itu berulang beberapa kali, sampai akhirnya... 

"Bilang apa Sya kalau ketemu Ibu Ayas?"
"Apa?"
"Bilang apa hayo....? Selamat..... "
"Selamat pagi Bu Ayas!"
"Selamat pagi, Sya!"

Hingga tadi pagi, 

"Eh Rasya...  Ayo,  harus bilang apa? "
"Selamat pagi Ibu Ayas!"

Bukan hanya itu. Rasya kini aktif mengangkat tangannya dalam diskusi kelompok kecil maupun besar. Dahulu,  diberikan direct questions ketika berdiskusi pun ia hanya diam. Rasya masih suka kesulitan karena kosa kata yang ia miliki memang masih terbatas. Tapi sekarang ia bisa bertanya jika tidak mengerti. 

"Ini Bahasa Indonesianya apa?"
"Tulisnya gimana? Aku nggak bisa tulisnya."

Bagi saya, pencapaian Rasya semester ini sungguh luar biasa. Melihatnya tumbuh dan berbahagia adalah salah satu sumber kebahagiaan saya setiap hari.

Jangan Jadi Guru

Jangan jadi guru kalau kamu bermimpi punya tabungan banyak, hidup mewah, dan bisa memenuhi segala kebutuhan tersier. Nyatanya, guru adalah salah satu profesi yang menurut saya underpaid - dibayar di bawah standar. Tapi, soal cukup-nggak-cukup sebenarnya adalah urusan subyektif. It's more about how you spend your money. Meskipun gajinya nggak besar, guru punya banyak waktu luang untuk mengerjakan pekerjaan-pekerjaan sambilan, yang tentu bisa memberikan penghasilan lebih. Selain itu, biaya gaya hidup guru tentu tidak sebesar biaya gaya hidup mereka yang bekerja di kantor-kantor. Biaya makan siang, biaya gaul, biaya outfit dan perhiasan, dan biaya-biaya lain yang menurut saya sebenarnya tidak esensial, tapi diperlukan untuk bisa 'bertahan hidup' di kantor.

Jangan jadi guru kalau terlalu memikirkan pendapat orang. Nyatanya, meskipun banyak orang yang berpikir kalau mengajar dan mendidik adalah pekerjaan mulia, banyak juga yang menganggap guru sebagai pekerjaan yang sepele. Perkataan macam "Ah, kalau mau jadi guru mah nggak usah kuliah di UI," "Ngapain cum laude kalo ujung-ujungnya cuma jadi guru," serta beberapa perkataan lain, ditambah dengan tatapan mata yang tidak mendukung sudah pernah saya terima dan rasakan. Percaya lah, ilmu kita pasti terpakai seutuhnya ketika mendidik murid. Memang benar, banyak guru yang pendidikannya tidak tinggi. Tapi, guru yang berkualitas tentu memerlukan ilmu pengetahuan dalam mendidik peserta didiknya. Untuk meredam hati, saya punya solusi: cari lah sekolah yang terdapat banyak guru dari almamater yang sama denganmu. Kalau begitu, kamu akan jadi lebih yakin kalau memilih profesi ini adalah sebuah pilihan yang membanggakan, sekaligus merasa bahwa kamu bahkan masih perlu banyak belajar untuk "hanya" menjadi guru. 

Jangan jadi guru kalau mau kerja santai. Nyatanya, kerja jadi guru itu nggak ada istirahatnya. Ketika waktu istirahat saja, saya dan rekan-rekan kerja masih harus mengontrol anak saat makan dan bermain, sambil mencuri-curi waktu untuk menyiapkan bahan ajar. Jangan harap bisa lunch di luar sambil lirik-lirik diskon - jangan harap.

Jangan jadi guru kalau hanya mau kerja sesuai jobdesc. Nyatanya, jadi guru itu butuh keikhlasan, karena banyak hal lain yang harus dikerjakan selain mengajar dan menyiapkan materi. Ada orang tua yang telfonnya harus selalu di angkat dengan antusiasme, yang kedatangannya harus selalu disambut dengan keramahan, dan kekhawatirannya yang meski terkadang berlebihan, harus tetap didengarkan. Ada anak yang juga harus terus diperhatikan bukan hanya dari segi akademisnya saja, tapi juga dari sisi sosial-emosionalnya.

Jangan jadi guru kalau tidak mau terus belajar dan tidak suka tantangan. Nyatanya, ada saja kasus yang harus dihadapi setiap hari, yang bisa saja tidak pernah diajarkan ketika kuliah dulu. Ada saja anak-anak yang menyimpang dari teori. Ada buku-buku yang harus kembali dibaca, strategi-strategi yang harus dipelajari, dan orang-orang yang harus ditanyai.

Jangan jadi guru kalau benci pekerjaan administratif. Nyatanya, menulis rancangan program ajaran dan rapor adalah pekerjaan administratif yang butuh ketelitian dan ketekunan - apalagi kalau keduanya harus ditulis dengan detil dan berbeda untuk setiap anak.

Jadilah guru kalau kamu tekagum-kagum dengan perilaku anak-anak, karena menjadi guru memungkinkanmu untuk melihat ragamnya perkembangan mereka. Menjadi guru bagi anak berkebutuhan khusus bahkan juga membuatmu menyadari hebatnya Tuhan yang menciptakan manusia dengan segala perbedaan dan keunikannya.

Jadilah guru kalau kamu ingin mendapatkan banyak hal untuk memperkaya diri. Belajar mendidik anak, belajar berhadapan dengan orang tua yang tidak terlalu kita sukai, dan lainnya. Mengobservasi keputusan-keputusan yang diambil orang tua terhadap anak, dan mempelajari akibatnya. Belajar sabar, belajar menerima orang lain apa adanya meskipun tetap mendorongnya agar bisa melampaui potensinya, dan belajar konsisten. 

To be frank, menjadi guru memang bukan cita-cita utama saya.  Saya masih tetap ingin menjadi psikolog, dan masih mantap untuk melanjutkan studi tahun depan. Tapi, guru adalah profesi yang saya pilih tahun ini, karena sesuai dengan minat dan kebutuhan saya untuk menggali ilmu dan pengalaman.

If being a teacher ever crossed your mind, go for it. Don't be afraid of all the apprehensions you have, because when you want to do something wholeheartedly and with compassion, God will help you find a way.

About Being A Special Education Teacher

It's tiring - exhausting. It requires a lot of patience. It demands creativity and flexibility. It somehow gets you confused, because it turns out that teaching four kids with different strengths and weaknesses are arduous. 

It's bewildering, because the strategy that works on the theory you learned might not work on some kids. It pretty much drains thought and energy.

Yet seeing that look on their face, listening something popped out of their mind, and spotting them doing something unpredictable, those are satisfying.

And seeing them progress and be better each day is priceless. It is worth every drops of sweat.

This Week

Besides working 8 to 5 in a company, I also tried something else during this holiday: working in a training company. I worked as an associate facilitator for a corporate leadership training, and I liked it. I realize something: My passion is actually in helping out people in order to make them a better person. It's in developing people; whether in clinical setting, educational / classroom setting, or even in corporation-training setting (as long as it's about self-improvement). It feels really good to help people realizing their potential and do better.

"Which one do you prefer, here (in training) or being a teacher?" My mom asked me.

I liked both, but since I'm a fresh graduate which means I don't have an expertise in anything yet, I prefer being a teacher, because I would get more role and more challenged. Moreover, I prefer working with kids, because then I don't have to be afraid of being judged. Being a facilitator in a training with inspiring, experienced, smart, famous trainers has its perks, though, and one of them is to get more chance to be reminded. Everything that are told to the client is also applicable for me. So listening to the trainers repeatedly, over and over, will always remind me to be a better person myself. For instance, during those two days, I got reminded to work compassionately - to work my best without demanding something in return. I also got reminded to not limit myself, and to not be complacent (satisfied with what I'm doing right now). Because we can, and we should, do more.

The point is, it feels good to know that there are options out there for me, and they're not so bad. I graduated from a major that provides options that are suitable and intriguing for me. And it feels good to get the chance to explore few of them.

--

By the way, I lost my phone in a bus. I'm a gadget nerd (an android nerd, to be precise), so losing a cellphone broke my heart and ruin my whole week, especially because a few days before, I worked all day to install a custom ROM and my phone has turned into a much cooler, faster phone. I also got sad because it's the most decent phone that I've had in my entire life, and also the first phone that I bought with my own money. And I don't have a lot of money to get a new one that is as good. But nothing I say or do will get it back, so I guess I just have to let go.

To Work, Passionately

I got a whole month of free days since it's the end of school year holiday, and so I pretty much got nothing to do. I hate that feeling when I have spent too many days doing nothing. Therefore, when a friend of mine told me that a global management consulting firm need a few freelancer to help them out with their project, I'm interested to try. I knew I won't be doing things that makes me cognitively challenged, but I would like to do it anyway. I'm interested to learn how does it feel to be an employee (though a teacher is, in fact, also an employee).  How does it feel to work 9 hours in front of PC. How does it feel to go to Sudirman everyday, being in a train overloaded with commuters. How does it feel to work with hundreds of people in a big building. How does it feel to.... work, even only for a day or two (or maybe more, let's see).

My first day is actually a mess. I don't even have the guts to go inside the train, and wait for the next one instead (which is actually almost as chaotic as the first one). I hate the work, I don't feel good about myself while doing it, and I feel so tired when I got home. Nevertheless, I came back to spend another day, because I despised myself for giving up too easily. On the second day, I already know what to expect, so I told myself to be stronger. There are a lot of people who don't enjoy what they do for a living, but they can deal with it. So why can't you? 

When you lower your expectation and had been through something really bad, something good will happen, I assure you that. At the second day, I start observing around, and looking for the silver lining of  'working at a company'.

And I finally get it. I get why thousands of people are willing to get up early, go through pretty much the same morning hassle everyday, work all day, and got home late. It could be the money, or the pride. It could be the lifestyle. It could be the social life, which I found really appealing. It could be the rush. It could be the satisfying feeling when you got to do something more than targeted, get a bonus, be promoted, or else. Those are gratifying and self-fulfilling.

Nothing is ever a waste, including doing something I know I won't like doing. At least I learned to do and to finish what I'm responsible for, even when I don't feel like doing it. I learned how to be tough and independent, and how to cope with a nerve-racking morning and evening. I learned how to be flexible. And most of all, I learned how to be thankful for finding the right place where I never really feel like I'm working. 

After today (or, after working in a company for two days - and make a conclusion from it), I think working in a company, even by doing something administrative (which I disrelish doing) is actually bearable. I can mention a few things that I enjoyed. In other way, if I'm obligated to do it, I can still survive and won't be so distressed - as it's not as bad as what I thought previously. However, I won't be fallen in love with it. It's not something that I will tell people around passionately. It's not something that can make me woken up every morning with such excitement. It's not something that I will exceedingly miss doing during my holiday. It is not something that I am passionate about.

But here's the thing: Some people don't have (or don't use) the chance to go where their passion is. 

So when you do, and you're sure about it, don't ignore it. Just go through the right path (the one where your heart told you to take), and find a way to make it able to fulfill your need (financial need, esteem need, or anything else - you name it).

Keep doing something you're passionate about, and you will never work for the rest of your life.

Dream, Postponed

 It's official: I won't be a psychologist for (at least) another three years. I will continue being a special education teacher for another year or two, and continue getting my master degree after. To be honest, I still feel weird about not doing what I exactly planned to do, since I am a little rigid on that, but I am sure that this is for the best - that this is what I need the most. As I told everyone, working here gives me abundant things to learn. It also gives me joy (I'm pretty sure everyone that I have already told about my work to can 'read' it from the way I tell the story). I feel really comfortable working here. The teachers are all nice to me and not think of me as a 'new-kid' or treat me like an outsider, the kids are all amazing in their own way and got me in love with them at the first sight (or in this case, at the first observation), the school is not so far from my house and has great facilities, and so forth. I've adjusted myself, and for now, I can say that this is the workplace to work right after college that I've been dreaming of. I couldn't ask for more.

The teachers

The girls

Things will get more challenging starting from July, though, since I will be a teacher (not a teacher assistant anymore) and have my own class. I dare myself to be a great teacher even when I'm still new at this, so I know I must read some books on how to face a challenging child in the classroom, and how to transfer knowledge to those who have difficulties. From that moment, I have to be responsible for everything. I also have to be able to face parents with different values and personalities, and learn how to discuss their children with them. Next year will be both exciting and challenging for me. Hopefully, anything I'm going to go through can make me a better psychologist and even a better person in the future :)

Tentang Mereka, Para Pendidik

“In learning you will teach, and in teaching you will learn.” - Phill Collins 

Salah satu hal yang saya syukuri dari pekerjaan saya sekarang adalah besarnya kesempatan untuk terus mempelajari hal baru. Di sekolah ini, meskipun saya menjadi guru, rasanya saya lebih banyak belajar daripada mengajar.

Selain mendapatkan insight dari anak-anak, saya juga banyak belajar dari tim guru di subdepartemen saya, Learning Centre. Selain saya, di LC saat ini terdapat lima orang guru (yep, untuk empat belas anak) beserta satu kepala divisi Special Need (the one that we call 'bu bos'). Dari kami bertujuh, enam di antaranya adalah lulusan Fakultas Psikologi Universitas Indonesia. Saya punya satu kebiasaan buruk, yaitu meremehkan orang lain yang berkecimpung di bidang yang dekat dengan psikologi (misalnya parenting, pendidikan, atau training) namun tidak memiliki pengetahuan yang mendalam tentang psikologi. Karena hampir semua guru yang bekerja dengan saya juga lulusan psikologi UI, kecongkakan saya jadi berkurang, karena mereka semua pernah mempelajari (hampir semua) hal yang telah saya pelajari. Bedanya, selain teori, mereka juga punya pengalaman yang kaya. Jelas lah, saya jadi anak bawang yang sibuk mendengar dan mengobservasi sambil mengagumi pendapat mereka dan mencatat dalam hati. Guru-guru ini adalah orang-orang yang berhasil menerapkan ilmunya untuk membuat segelintir anak menjadi lebih baik. Mereka bukan hanya mengajarkan materi-materi yang direncanakan dalam IEP (Individualized Education Plan) setiap anak, tapi juga mengajarkan mereka tentang bagaimana bersikap dan berperilaku. Teori tentang modifikasi perilaku yang berulang kali saya pelajari ketika kuliah dulu benar-benar mereka terapkan dengan konsisten, membuat saya terkagum-kagum.

Mereka yang mendidik, bukan hanya mengajar.

Guru-guru ini menjadi salah satu alasan dibalik kemantapan saya untuk menunda kuliah magister, setidaknya selama satu tahun. Saya tahu kalau saya perlu banyak belajar dari mereka, untuk menyeimbangi teori-teori dan berbagai hasil penelitian yang telah jadi makanan harian saya selama tiga setengah tahun belakangan, dan akan tetap menjadi santapan istimewa untuk dua tahun berikutnya. 

Selain melakukan pembelajaran dengan mengobservasi, saya juga kerap diberikan petuah-petuah yang berharga. Karena semuanya tahu kalau saya ingin segera melanjutkan studi untuk kemudian menjadi psikolog, saya sering diingatkan mengenai poin-poin penting yang kerap diabaikan oleh seorang psikolog. Berdasarkan pengalaman mereka, psikolog sekolah yang tidak pernah menjadi guru sebelumnya sering kali memberikan keputusan-keputusan yang kurang realistis. Mereka seringkali terlalu berpaku pada teori yang telah mereka pelajari; seharusnya begini, seharusnya bisa begitu. Biar bagaimana pun, setiap anak berbeda-beda; apalagi anak-anak yang memiliki kebutuhan khusus. They are wired differently from one another; they all have different strengths, weaknesses, threats, and opportunities. They are different, and therefore different approach is needed. Dengan semangatnya, guru-guru ini memberi tahu saya segala hal yang perlu saya perhatikan jika saya kelak menjadi psikolog. "Tuh, Yas, yang mau jadi psikolog, catet!" menjadi salah satu kalimat kesukaan saya.

Eventhough they all seem perfect, of course they're not. Ada kalanya saya tidak menyetujui tindakan yang mereka lakukan. Ada kalanya nilai-nilai yang mereka miliki berbeda dengan yang saya anut. Ada kalanya teori yang saya yakini berbeda dengan praktik yang dilakukan. Tapi buat saya, ada pembelajaran lain lagi yang saya dapatkan: bagaimana memilah informasi dan pembelajaran; bagaimana menorelansi perbedaan, dan bagaimana mengontrol diri untuk melakukan sesuatu karena pengetahuan, bukan karena kebiasaan. Biar bagaimana pun, mereka telah membuka mata saya bahwa di balik sistem pendidikan Indonesia yang carut-marut, masih ada guru-guru yang mendidik anak muridnya dengan hati. Masih ada guru-guru yang benar-benar peduli dengan muridnya. Masih ada orang-orang yang mementingkan kualitas pendidikan daripada profit yang bisa dihasilkan.

How grateful I am to have a workplace where I can do what I'm passionate about, and still having plentiful things to be learned about. It's like I'm spending another year in another college, learning by observing children, teachers, and parents' behavior, and by applying those prior knowledge that I have been taught in college. 

My life is grand! Thank you for always making it that way, dear Allah :)

Tentang Mengajar dan Belajar

Belum genap satu bulan saya mengajar di sekolah ini. Ketika pertama melangkahkan kaki ke bagian special education, perasaan saya berkecamuk. Ketika itu, saya adalah sarjana baru yang kepalanya dipenuhi teori-teori psikologi, termasuk teori-teori tentang anak dengan kebutuhan khusus. Tapi praktiknya? Berinteraksi dengan mereka saja saya belum pernah. Bagaimana kalau saya tidak sabar menghadapi mereka? Bagaimana kalau mereka semua mengacuhkan saya? Bagaimana kalau saya tidak bisa mendapatkan perhatian mereka? Bagaimana kalau mereka tidak menyukai saya? Duh.

Ketakutan saya mulai hilang ketika berhadapan langsung dengan mereka: empat belas anak yang merebut perhatian saya dengan segera. Ada yang ramah – bahkan terlalu ramah, ada yang terlihat kaku tapi diam-diam mendekati saya sambil membawa majalah tentang kereta dan menceritakan saya segala hal yang ia ketahui tentang kereta, ada juga yang menatap saya dengan tatapan jutek – meskipun minggu berikutnya saya mulai mengenal dia dan mengetahui kalau wajah dan gaya berbicaranya memang seperti itu, meskipun ia sebenarnya sangat baik dan penurut. Empat belas anak ini benar-benar berbeda satu sama lain. Mereka memiliki keunikannya sendiri-sendiri.

Meskipun di sekolah ini saya menjadi ‘ibu guru’, rupanya bukan hanya mereka yang mendapatkan pelajaran dari saya. Saya pun belajar banyak dari mereka. Dari anak-anak ini, saya belajar tentang persistensi dan resistensi – tentang perjuangan dan kegigihan. Sebagai sarjana baru, saya dan teman-teman saya kerap memperbincangkan dunia nyata yang kejam. Dunia nyata itu kejam, penuh tantangan, dan tidak semudah yang kami inginkan. Tetapi ketika melihat anak-anak ini sedang berjuang, saya tertegun. Kalau saya saja merasa dunia ini kejam dan penuh dengan tantangan, bagaimana dengan anak-anak ini?

Bayangkan saja, mereka bahkan harus belajar dan menahan diri mereka untuk tidak tertawa atau senyum-senyum sendiri jika tidak ada stimulus yang jelas, menatap mata lawan bicara, menjawab pertanyaan yang dilontarkan orang lain, bersabar saat menunggu giliran, tidak bergumam di tengah-tengah pelajaran, menyapa orang lain yang dikenal saat berpapasan, dan lain-lain. Mereka harus berusaha keras untuk melakukan hal-hal yang biasa kita lakukan secara otomatis.

Mereka juga harus berjuang keras untuk melakukan operasi matematika sederhana, seperti penjumlahan, pengurangan, serta mengenali dan memberikan nominal uang yang tepat. Di hari ketiga saya mengajar, saya sudah membuat seorang anak menangis karena saya melarang ia untuk keluar kelas sebelum berhasil menyelesaikan soal yang saya berikan. Anak ini sudah kelas empat SD, tapi masih kebingungan saat melakukan pengurangan dua digit dengan metode susun ke bawah. “It’s really hard, Bu, I can’t do it.” Melihat ia menangis, saya ikutan sedih, dan bahkan hampir meneteskan air mata. Saya hampir saja luluh dan mempersilakan dia untuk meninggalkan ruangan kelas bersama temannya yang lain, tapi guru-guru yang lain serta teori-teori yang saya pelajari ketika kuliah mengajarkan saya untuk tegas dan konsisten dalam menerapkan peraturan. Saya pun terus menambahkan soal karena dia belum juga berhasil, sambil menuntunnya agar berhasil menemukan jawaban yang benar. “Ayo, dicoba lagi!” “Sedikit lagi!” “Satu nomor lagi ya…” Sampai akhirnya, dia berhasil menjawab soal yang saya berikan, serta dua  soal tambahan yang saya berikan untuk memastikan bahwa ia benar-benar telah mengerti. Anak itu tersenyum bangga. “Susah atau gampang, Go?” tanya saya. “It’s easy, Bu!!!” katanya, seolah lupa kalau beberapa menit yang lalu ia baru saja menangis karena merasa tidak sanggup mengerjakan soal yang saya berikan.

Christopher Reeves pernah bilang,

“Anyone can give up, it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that’s true strength.”

Maka anak-anak hebat ini mencerminkan kekuatan yang sesungguhnya, karena mereka tidak pernah letih untuk mencoba – bahkan ketika guru mereka memaklumi kondisi mereka, karena mengerti bahwa kapasitas yang mereka miliki memang berbeda dengan anak-anak lain yang sebaya.

Dari anak-anak ini, saya juga belajar untuk bersyukur. Saya belajar untuk mensyukuri hal-hal yang Tuhan berikan untuk saya, yang selama ini saya abaikan – seperti kemampuan untuk memenuhi ekspektasi lingkungan tanpa harus mengerahkan usaha yang terlalu banyak. Saya juga belajar untuk mensyukuri hal-hal kecil yang ada di sekitar saya. Saya bersyukur karena Tuhan membuka jalan saya untuk bertemu dengan mereka: empat belas anak hebat, kesayangan saya. Saya bersyukur karena bisa menemukan kebahagiaan-kebahagiaan kecil setiap hari, seperti saat mendengar mereka melontarkan komentar-komentar lucu dengan wajah yang polos, atau kebahagiaan yang lebih luar biasa lagi: ketika melihat mereka berhasil dan ketika melihat mereka menunjukkan performa yang lebih baik daripada ekspektasi yang saya buat sebelumnya.

Suatu sore, setelah berhasil mengikuti semua perintah saya saat ekskul melukis, seorang anak bertanya kepada saya, “Ibu Ayas bangga?”

Anak itu mungkin tidak benar-benar mengerti apa arti kata ‘bangga’ dan seberapa dalam makna kata itu—setidaknya bagi saya, tapi saya tidak perlu berpikir panjang untuk mengangguk dengan yakin. Tentu saja Ibu Ayas bangga sama kalian semua!

 Belum genap satu bulan saya mengajar di sekolah ini. Tapi saya sudah jatuh cinta.

(Ditulis sebagai bagian dari proyek buku tentang pengalaman mengajar anak-anak dengan kebutuhan khusus yang ditulis oleh special education teachers di Sekolah Cita Buana, dalam rangka merayakan Autism Awareness Day 2013).

About The Little Ambition

As I wrote before, being a special education teacher has taught me a lot, because I have to apply those theory I've studied for the past 3,5 years in real live. I've learned how to treat children with autistic spectrum disorder, how to be patient while working with children, how to discipline children and be consistent with every rule we've made, how to give the balanced amount of love and discipline, how to explain things based on the kid's cognitive level, and other how-tos.

I also enjoy observing the kids. My latest interest is asking the kids to draw a person, family, or house-tree-person. Yes, those are some of the drawing that are used as psychological tests, that, believe it or not, can actually determine someone's personality. I obviously can't make a proper interpretation yet, but I took a picture of their drawings and save it, so I might study about it later, after I become a psychologist and therefore able and am allowed to interpret it.

I also learned how family structure and involvement could really, really affect kids' development. The facility that the parents give is important, but not as important as the parents' willingness to help their kids and to always be there for them. I already knew it, but now I know that it matters that much - especially with the kids that have special needs who always need to be helped by adults. So here's my note for the future-me: always put your kids first - no matter what.

I know that being a teacher doesn't sound so fancy, and I know some people think that an-UI-graduate is way too good to be one, but I'm grateful to chose the job. Being a teacher means helping some kids be a better person. It also one of the job that can help me reach heaven, because my religion taught me that the beneficial knowledge that a person left in the world will still be counted as a good deed even if that person has passed away. And I know I know that the experience will give me a lot life lessons that I will need: how to be a good psychologist, how to be a good wife, how to be a good mother, and how to be a better person. 

I would gladly do this every day, but here's the thing: it might not be enough for me, because I have an ambition too, to be a child psychologist in 2015. I've made that plan since I was still a freshman. And here's the thing: I might be messy and unorganized, but when it comes to decide and do things, I always stick to my plan, and work my tail off to get what I planned to.

So yes, making a decision whether to try to stay for one more year or to stick to my plan is a one hell of a decision to make. I know that if I extend this for a year, I will get more new things to find and learn, but I don't know if I'm ready to do that. I'm not sure if I'm ready to postpone the dream, and to change the plan I've made. I won't be changing the dream, actually, but only putting a pause in the middle of it. But still, I'm not ready to do that.

I have no idea what to choose, and what would it affect me in the future. I love this job, but I hate not to complete my plan on time, that's all I know for now.

__

During my job interview, my boss, knowing that I'm still 19 and have finished my study faster than the normal period, asked me, "are you a high-achiever?"

I took a long pause, because I actually have no idea. And then I replied, though doubtfully, "I don't think so."

But right now, I guess that I am. If the idea of postponing a dream for just another year scared me this much, maybe I am. I always know that I'm a driven person, but I just realized that maybe I'm just a little too ambitious. I don't know if that's good or bad, though. But I sure know how to get past this: to find as many good things as I could that I would get if I chose to make a little change in the plan. 

Three years ago, God slapped me in the face and didn't let me to get what I want for the first time in my life. I was so sad and frustrated, realizing that it was unfair and that I deserved to get it, but then I try to get up and do something: I try to choose another path. Today, if I think about that moment in my life, I can say that I'm so grateful that He did that, because I know exactly what I'd miss if I stick to my old plan. I finally found out that the way I was walking through is better than the way that I once wanted to walk through. It also taught me to be resilient and to always look for the silver lining.

So please, yaa Rasyid, The Guide, please guide me to the right path. Please do show me which way is better for me and prove it to be a better one.

After all, You know me better than I know myself.

Those Special Kids

This week was my first week of working. I work as a teacher assistant at special education department in Sekolah Cita Buana. For now, it's only a temporary job - only for three months. After that, I will have to make a decision whether to continue my study (if I get accepted) or postpone it for a while and stay at least for another year (if I have the chance to).

I will write about it, based on some questions that was usually asked by my acquaintances.

What does 'special education' means?

Special education means education program for kids with special needs, or in another term, kids with disability that makes it hard for them to do some activities like any other kid, so they need to be treated differently. Each of them need an individualized learning plan - a tailor-made one, because even when they have the same disability, they are very different from each other. They need extra attention from their teachers, because to make a good tailor-made plan, the teachers have to know every single details about them.

There are a whole lot of type of them, but most of the kids in my department are dealing with ASD (Autistic Spectrum Disorder) or borderline (very mild) Intellectual Disability (the new term for Mental Retardation) -  also known as Slow Learner (because they really need time to process something, that's why most of the mean laymen will just call them as 'stupid').

What's so great about them?

Autistic kids have problem in their social skill, besides the problem in behavior and communication skill. It's really hard for them to empathize or to see things from other people's point of view. It's hard for them to observe the situation and adjust themselves to suit that. That's why, one of the most important thing that might be taught to them is how to be polite to other people. How to act normal around people, how to say something nice, how to know what to say in every particular situation, how to stare at people while talking, and other things like that. They are also told to greet people they meet. It makes it easier for me to mingle when I had a teaching demonstration (as part of the selection process), because some of the kids came to me and asked bluntly, "who are you?", or "what's your name?", or "ibu siapa?", or "are you a new teacher?". It made things easier for me, because all I had to do is answer them and continue the conversation. And I'm so touched to know that two week after the teaching-demo (and after I was told that I got the job), I came back for my first day, and most of them still remember my name. I mean, they only met me for a day, and they remember my name the next two weeks before? How cool is that!

But, of course, that's not all.

I love them because they always struggle in school. They always work so hard, and they never stop trying. They have limited capacity, but the environment is pushing them to be like any other people, so yes, they are struggling real hard. Most of the times, they fail at first. But then the teacher push them, they struggle, they do their best, they fail again, they cry, they try again, and then finally succeed, and feel proud of themselves because they can prove their teacher that they can meet their expectation. 

I love to help them do that. Helping them to perform to reach their potential level feels awesome. Beyond, awesome. Teaching an autistic kid about how to do subtraction or to count backward is more fun and challenging than teaching my sister about the most complicated math lesson for a student her grade. It is more challenging for them, because they have some problem with their mind - and more challenging for me (or any teacher), because I have to use the simplest word that I can find, and I have to be patient to wait and explain it to them all over again, until they can finally do it. But, once they can do it, the feeling of happiness I felt is just... priceless.

What is Sekolah Cita Buana?

It's a partial-inclusive school in Jakarta Selatan. It's a bilingual school (yet of course, english is used more often) with national plus curriculum, so the school is super-pricey and can only be afforded by those with filthy-rich parents. So yes, in our department, we deal with kids who come from a wealthy family, but has a disability. They were so lucky that they came from rich parents who can afford a school this good, yet this expensive.

The other school where I had my internship at, Sekolah Cikal, is also an inclusive school. But it's a full-inclusive one, so it has pretty different approach for the special needs kids. In my own opinion, Sekolah Cita Buana has a much better approach for the special needs kids. I really love the teaching techniques and tricks. Besides, most of the teachers in my department (Learning Center) were from faculty of psychology, Universitas Indonesia, too, so I trust them more, and I really like the fact that all of them are passionate about and crazy about the kids. These great teachers are not just teaching the kids, they're educating them.

Learning Center?

So, Sekolah Cita Buana has three sub departments of the special education department: Special Need (SN) for primary students with moderate (or below) disability, Learning Center (LC) for primary students with mild until moderate disability, and TEC for middle and high school special needs students. As I wrote before, I work in LC. 

So, how many kids are there? 

They are 14 kids in LC: Fikri the train-maniac who is really good at playing gamelan, Joey the handsome one who told me that his dad has a Ferrari, Nicole the cutest one who is very friendly and lovable, Shakira who has a sweet smile and is super pretty, Rizqi who is also friendly and was made crying by me on my fourth day during Math, Owen who asks a lot of questions and very talkative, Gio the nice kid who is extremely shy, Sylvanna with the 'drama'-tone voice who is so obedient, Jordan the talented swimmer who likes to sit on the corner or the back, Adit who keep saying 'Bu Ayas marah?' when I prohibit him to do something, Callie the 'bule' who can't stop giggling and is going through puberty, Kenan the childish one who is obsessed with The Smurfs and has the kind of cheek that you'd want to pinch all day, Wilbert with the javanese-accent who only came to LC once in a while, and Raffi, who is also a chatter and likes to joke (he said "I should've been in prison, Bu" after he told me his name - because it's like Raffi Ahmad's name). 

I will talk about them a lot for the last three months, that's for sure. But I think I won't write down their name when I wrote something detailed. 

So you teach all of the 14 kids?

No, of course not, because as I wrote before, they need to be taught one-by-one, so the teacher can really know their ability, their progress, and their potentials. In the classroom, a teacher only teaches two until five kids at once, with different education plan for each of them - different lesson, different level. So, yes, it's very challenging for the teacher. As a teacher assistant, one of my job is to help the teacher by helping the kids to do some worksheets, or by teaching them something when the main teacher's busy teaching other kids.

So how was it, working with them?

It's amazing. A-MA-ZING! I can't really describe it with words, but you'll know that I won't write this long if I wasn't this excited. It feels awesome to finally interact with those who I only read about before. They have their own limitation, but they are still cute, lovely angels.

This week gave me a lot of lesson and experiences already, and I'm thrilled to spend more weeks with them, helping them to study and studying about them at the same time.

It is the greatest feeling ever, knowing that you have a very cool job. It feels great to know that what you do is what you are so passionate about! 

It's been only a week, but I'm in love already.

I'm just in love with this job. I'm in love with those kids. Those special kids.

Another Goodbye

My internship period is over. I cannot believe how fast time flies. I enjoyed every second of it - especially the part when I get to interact with the kids.

I am seriously gonna miss the kids. I will miss talking in English all day long. I will miss helping the kids with their math or spelling. I will miss being called 'miss'. I will miss listening to their naive questions or statements. I will miss telling Ghiffari to be focus, since he got attention problem - or explaining the task to Matthew slowly, since he got partial hearing impairment. I will miss Alifa's story about her interest on horses and answering her questions about my interests as well, or Aisyah's opinion on fashion, or even Naira's complain on her friends. I will miss telling Azkal and Sammy to stop yelling and running, or telling Nayyara to stop following what I just said and to be more confident. I will also miss chatting with Nayla, Levana, Talitha, and Izza.  I will miss the other kids as well: Adit, Regala, Daffa, the other Daffa, Defa, Alisha, Danika, and Jasminne. I will miss them bragging about their new gadgets, or about their overseas trips, or just about their family and themselves. I will even miss them singing Payphone or What Makes You Beautiful - Yes, all day long.

"Miss, nanti kalo ketemu kita lagi jangan sampe lupa nama kita ya!"

"When will you come back here miss? When will you finish college?"

"Why won't you work here anymore?"

"I will miss you so much, Miss!"

Guys, you have to know that I will miss you more. Working with all of you, even just for a month, give a new color in my life. It showed me that I really love working with kids, even those I get to see everyday. I get to practice my English as well - in a very fun way - because I'm sure will be ashamed if my English is worse than yours or if I don't know how to spell some words you asked or don't know about the English translation for some words that you need to write in your article. You guys also taught me to be more patient! Yes, because it needs a lot of patience to be around you guys.

And I feel really sorry for not taking a picture with them at all.