Thursday, February 13, 2014

Another Step

Essays are written, and e-mails are sent. Prayers are said, and fingers are crossed. Applications are submitted, and documents are attached. Here's for another zone, another goal. Another color to adorn my life. Here's for another step towards the dream.

And if it does not work, maybe something else will.

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Menjelang Maret

Saya punya banyak mimpi, tapi takut untuk mengambil risiko. Saya punya banyak mau, tapi suka minder dengan apa yang saya punya. Saya nggak mau berhenti, tapi suka membuat banyak justifikasi dengan zona nyaman yang saya punya. Saya punya banyak takut, dan suka lupa sama Yang Maha Penolong dan Memberi Petunjuk. Saya suka banyak cemas, dan terlalu berhati-hati dalam melangkah.

Saya tahu semuanya masih abu-abu. Saya harus mulai maju kalau memang mau menggapai yang saya mau.

 Maafin saya yang sering lalai ya, suka lupa dan suka terlalu asik dengan nikmat yang udah dikasih. Suka lupa juga kalau apapun bisa terjadi kalau memang dikehendaki. Padahal saya masih butuh dibimbing. Saya masih butuh diperhatiin. Saya masih butuh rasa tenang dan dekat. Jangan bosan dengerin doa saya ya, karena list-nya masih panjang.

Sunday, January 19, 2014

About The Good, Old Days

I met my primary school mates today. It's been years since we last seen each other. I was not really close with most of them - especially the boys (because kids prefer to play with same-sex kids) - but we got along so easy because everything seems so familiar. I felt like I was being dragged back into my childhood.


Today was all about reminiscing the good old days,  where everything seems so easy. The days when our biggest problem was how to get our crush's attention. The days when I don't have to work so hard in order to get what I want (like good grades).  The days when we were imagining about the future, rather than planning for it. 
Today, I have something to be thankful for: I remembered that my childhood was filled with happiness, with me being surrounded by good friends.





And I am thankful for realizing that I'm heading where I always wanted to be since I was a little girl.  I hope I'm going there with the decent velocity. 

Sunday, January 5, 2014

Have a Little Faith!

My mom said that I'm always more mature than my chronological age. That's obviously not a bad thing, but it also means that I think a lot about things that should not bugging me in this age. I think too much about attaining my goals and about ways to tick my check-lists.

"You should not think about those things too much. You're still so young!" is probably one of the most common thing that people told me, whenever I start babbling about my apprehensions about tomorrow. A lot of people has told me about enjoying my "now" and have fun more. But I guess it's just part of who I am. 

I'm occupied with dreams that I have. I'm enjoying my present, but I have doubts about my future, especially about those that are beyond my control - some dreams that seem unattainable. I'm the kind of person who makes herself ready for the worst-case-scenarios by imagining the worst thing that could happen, and even the idea of it scares me.

I usually have faith, but for some goals I don't know how to attain... I don't know. Will it makes me gullible to believe in something that seems irrational? Is it possible that Allah will grant my prayers and give me the best if I'm still far from good? And don't have what it takes to change?

On the other hand, I do believe that with His permission, anything could happen. Anything. I just have to wait patiently, and keep praying. Yet I might still feel insecure until I finally see the light.

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