The Thing About Life

Funny thing about life: you thought you knew everything about something, but as you learn a little more, you realize that you don't.

You thought you knew exactly what you're going to do, but as you explore a little more, you realize that you don't.

You thought you knew what you want, but as you grow up a little more, you realize that that you don't.

You thought you're so good at something, but as you meet a few more people, you realize that you're not. Not that good.

Because we are not perfect. Because we can't be good at everything. We cannot please everyone. And we don't have to conform and be like everyone else. And that's okay.

Because life can't be all about making a long list and putting a tick in each box. It can't be about drawing a map and hitting the gas to reach the destination. Life is not a race, although some people sure make it look like it is.

Because life, from what I see, is all about the uncertainties. It's all about the surprises. It's all about learning new things and expanding the horizon. It's about the journey, indeed.

And therefore, it is okay to doubt yourself sometimes. It is okay to ponder. It is okay to stumble.

(Source)

It is okay, as long as you still acknowledge and appreciate all the good things about yourself afterwards. As long as you know that your presence matters. As long as you learn and keep going.

Because that, is how you grow.

The Significant People

If I have to be thankful for just one thing in my life, I'd pick the people in a heartbeat. Yes, there are other things that make me feel utterly blessed, but nothing compares to the people in my life.

For starters, I have a wonderful family. A warm, loving, pious family. I couldn't leave the "pious" part because I think it's one of the reasons why our family becomes like we are. Religion is one of the things that glues us together, although sometimes it could also be one of the things that keep us apart (only for a few seconds, though). Religion is one of the reasons why my parents found and love each other (a preacher once told me that loving a person we marry is more important than marrying a person we love, and I couldn't agree more). It's the reason why they have been trying their best to raise their children well. And I really think they have been doing a great job.

So when I think about it, a loving family is not something that's given. Having a great family requires great work and compromise. It requires the parents to listen to their children's opinion, no matter how theoretical it sounds (especially when the oldest child is studying psychology). It requires the children to believe that the parents love them and have their best interests at heart, so the children will listen to everything they said, no matter how discrepant it is from their friends' parents' rules. 

I'm also blessed with my friends. I don't have an abundance of that, but I have my persons. I have people who could always lift me up when I'm not feeling so great about myself. People I could always trust and rely on. People I could always be myself with. People who have been helping me to grow - to be wiser and more mature. People I could spend hours and hours just to talk to. Some I met in the UK, but most of my significant friends are those I met in college. 

For now, it's enough. They are more than enough, and I wouldn't trade them for the world. They might not be enough for a few more years, but I have to keep believing that there's someone out there who can make my surrounding feels more complete. To make it feel even more perfect. 

And hopefully, all the people in my worldly life would also be my people in Jannah. That would be the ultimate contentment.

Update:
I watched a TED Talk about a study conducted for 75 years, which shows that a good quality of relationship is what makes people happiest and live longer. I guess I'm on the right track, then!

What's Yet To Come

It's frightening to realize how fast time passes. Especially when you realize how good your life is at the moment and how scary the future might be.

I learned and did a lot of new things in 2015. I befriended various kinds of people. I travelled a lot more than I have my entire life (I flew 20 times in 5 months!). I even surpassed my reading goal and have started journaling again. This year, I feel challenged and blessed. I feel like I have grown up a little. I feel overjoyed, despite still having all the insecurities.

This year, I learned that when I stop worrying, eventually Allah is going to open a door. He's going to lead me through a path I didn't even know existed. He keeps reminding me that worrying will not do any good. Just trust Him, and I'll always be fine.

I also learned this year that leaving a comfort zone is a necessity, no matter how hard. Of course doing something we know we're good at and being surrounded by kind people who are all familiar are tempting, but trust me, the world out there has even more to offer. 

(Source: Why-ed.com)

Although this is undoubtedly the best year of my life, it's not all immaculate. I also learned to let go this year; to accept that what I think I want might not be the same with what I need. I learned that being grateful that something beautiful has happened will make me a lot happier than regretting it, as cliché as it sounds. Knowing that Allah is the best planner, I also learned to not feel excessively sad about all the things and all the people I have lost. I have been told that there's no such thing as unfortunate events if we're patient enough to see the silver linings. There's always something to learn, something to improve, something that eventually will make us stronger.

A lot of things happened this year. I stumbled and ran. I wept and laughed. I said goodbyes and hellos. I found and lost.

This year, I learned that sometimes distance makes the heart grow fonder, and sometimes it's not. I learned that doing meaningful things are what drives me, and the money will just follow effortlessly.

I know I'm ready for a new year. I'm ready to be surprised. I'm ready to figure out why Allah said "no" or "not now." Because I have to keep believing that something beautiful is yet to come.

About Being Superficial

Have you ever thought about how shallow our life is? Because lately I have.

Lately I no longer open Path and Instagram more than ten times a day - just to see when did who go out where with whom. Lately I've been scrolling down my own page to see the things that I have posted, and wonder why did I post them in the first place. Some of the posts are not even news-worthy; meaning, no one would really want to know about it. Some, I even found a little too braggy. Why do I become so shallow? Is it because I want people to appreciate me? Is it because I long for likes, loves, and thumbs ups? Is it because I want my friends to see how perfect my life is? Because, spoiler alert, it is not; and so does everyone else's.

I guess I did post what I have posted just because everyone else does it. It has become the new normal, and it's completely normal to conform. And yes, when I was living abroad, it really was pleasing to see what my friends in Indonesia are up to, just to make me feel like I was not a thousand of miles away. Although in the end, I learned that those friends I had observed have their own problems and insecurities; things that I could not discover online.

Another part of me did it also because I have the need to tell someone about something. It feels good to write my thoughts down or say it aloud, which is why I blogged in the first place. But lately I've been wondering if my personal life is way too available on the internet. Yes, there are many many things that I keep to myself (and/or with my significant others), but a stranger would know a lot (like a lot, a lot) about me if they googled my name. And I'm not even someone. Lately I've been wondering if that's the right thing to do. That's why I have decided to buy a journal and write in the old-fashioned way. I realised that I need to write more honestly in order to regulate myself better; and I need to write them in a personal space where I don't have to worry about being judged.

And frankly, another part of me, of course, posted all those things to maintain the "self-image" that I have apparently created. And yes, sometimes, I retouched a few things and make it look better than it actually is. That's when I feel shallow and phony.

And no, this not the kind of post when I'd write, "I will delete all my social media account" or "I will not use internet ever again". This is simply just a reminder to me, to be less superficial. To hold the temptations to post all the unnecessary things.

If that's possible.