Tuesday, December 1, 2015

About Being Superficial

Have you ever thought about how shallow our life is? Because lately I have.

Lately I no longer open Path and Instagram more than ten times a day - just to see when did who go out where with whom. Lately I've been scrolling down my own page to see the things that I have posted, and wonder why did I post them in the first place. Some of the posts are not even news-worthy; meaning, no one would really want to know about it. Some, I even found a little too braggy. Why do I become so shallow? Is it because I want people to appreciate me? Is it because I long for likes, loves, and thumbs ups? Is it because I want my friends to see how perfect my life is? Because, spoiler alert, it is not; and so does everyone else's.

I guess I did post what I have posted just because everyone else does it. It has become the new normal, and it's completely normal to conform. And yes, when I was living abroad, it really was pleasing to see what my friends in Indonesia are up to, just to make me feel like I was not a thousand of miles away. Although in the end, I learned that those friends I had observed have their own problems and insecurities; things that I could not discover online.

Another part of me did it also because I have the need to tell someone about something. It feels good to write my thoughts down or say it aloud, which is why I blogged in the first place. But lately I've been wondering if my personal life is way too available on the internet. Yes, there are many many things that I keep to myself (and/or with my significant others), but a stranger would know a lot (like a lot, a lot) about me if they googled my name. And I'm not even someone. Lately I've been wondering if that's the right thing to do. That's why I have decided to buy a journal and write in the old-fashioned way. I realised that I need to write more honestly in order to regulate myself better; and I need to write them in a personal space where I don't have to worry about being judged.

And frankly, another part of me, of course, posted all those things to maintain the "self-image" that I have apparently created. And yes, sometimes, I retouched a few things and make it look better than it actually is. That's when I feel shallow and phony.

And no, this not the kind of post when I'd write, "I will delete all my social media account" or "I will not use internet ever again". This is simply just a reminder to me, to be less superficial. To hold the temptations to post all the unnecessary things.

If that's possible.


Wednesday, November 11, 2015

To Make A Change

I have finally got a job - and guess what, it's exactly the job that I've been dreaming of - something I wrote about 5 months ago. 

Ever since I received a leadership training for LPDP, I am well-fed with facts which prove that my country needs a change, as well as a lot of bright and honest people who are willing to do the change. We were told that no, it's not the abundance of evil people that makes a country corrupt and degenerate, it's the lack of good people who are willing to do something about it.

Long story short, I naively want to make a change in the educational system; something with bigger impacts than teaching a few children. And what's better than working with people who make the policy, in order to do that? Luckily, Allah heard my prayer, as always. I asked him to open a door for me after he closed a few windows, and yet he opened a wide gate.

Indeed, He is. (source)

I now work as an educational consultant for the ministry of education. It's not a permanent job, but it's fine considering I'm still not sure about what my next step is going to be. I get to work in a team consists of two other people who are both smart, experienced, yet humble and respect me - two people whom I can learn so much from and I can respect effortlessly. 

Just like any other job in the world, certaintly it's not perfect. There are some people who makes my head dizzy, too. People with long title, high position, yet no intention of doing their best to help people. People who reflects the old saying, "Empty barrels make the loudest noise." People who I have been meaning to ask, "How do you sleep at night?"

Nonetheless, this job is more than enough for me. I will have the chance to learn about the process behind a policy making, to talk to and meet with prominent people in the country, to travel to a few of cities, and, more importantly, to make a change, no matter how small. The job is also challenging, and I need to learn fast in order to keep up because apparently I'm a complete novice - but that's better than being trapped in my own comfort zone, right?

It's a new opportunity, a new journey. I still can't believe how amazing Allah's plan is. I promise to myself that I'll do my best and keep my idealism intact.

This job is a perfect, perfect way to end this incredible year and to start my 22 with. Once again, I am given with more blessings than I deserve. Although this time it is not only a blessing, but also a huge responsibility.

I hope things works out well for you, too.


Monday, October 12, 2015

To (Not) Compare

I struggled with my self-efficacy during my time in the UK. I questioned myself a lot, and I compared myself with plenty of my vocal, ambitious, native-speaker classmates; and found that I was not even close with them. 

Then I got home, and I saw a lot of people see myself in such a different perspective. That I am, according to them, bright and ambitious. "I am not that bright, trust me," I told them. "I would have performed better if I were. I am just a speck of dust compared to my classmates, and I know I could have done better if I tried harder." 

A few days ago, I need to go somewhere during rush hour, and I chose to take the train (because I'd rather be jammed on a train than got caught in a traffic jam). I know taking a train during peak hours in Jakarta is not a very pleasant thing to do, but it taught me something. I suddenly felt grateful because I realised that I am possibly more privileged, lucky, and educated than 90% people I met on the overcrowded train. I have a choice to take a cab or anything else if I want to, a choice that a lot of people don't have. I don't even need to commute every day - and as I find the commuting experience exhausting and bad for subjective well-being, I am utterly grateful. 

And I knew right away that it's unfair to me to always compare myself with people who are above me. It's unfair if I always compare myself with people I aspire to be. Sure, it's going to make me feel like I need to improve myself - and that's a good thing - but sometimes I really need to look back (and down) in order to remind myself to be grateful and proud of what I have done and become. Even my neck would get hurt if I looked up perpetually.

Said Theodore Rosevelt (source)


Apparently, I need to constantly remind myself to be grateful and to slow down a little bit. I have been running my whole life, and now it's okay if I want to walk a little. I decided to keep running until now (as Allah still supports me to), but I need to know that I really don't have to. I will never be satisfied if I always ask myself "what's next?".

Apparently, I need to remind myself again that every person in their twenties has problems and insecurities, and it is, in fact, the new normal. Adult life won't be easy, and this is just the beginning. 


Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Menjadi Muslim di Eropa

Saya baru saja kembali ke tanah air setelah satu tahun menempuh magister di UK dan keliling Eropa selama dua minggu. Karena sudah lama nggak telfonan asik dengan keluarga, selama beberapa hari terakhir saya terus bercerita tentang pengalaman hidup di Eropa. Salah satu hal yang menarik untuk diceritakan adalah pengalaman saya sebagai Muslim di Eropa. Saya baru ngeh kalau ada banyak banget yang seru untuk diceritain, dan orang tua saya bilang, yang perlu juga diceritain dalam bentuk tulisan.

Secara umum, alhamdulillah saya nggak pernah ngalamin diskriminasi karena nunjukin identitas agama saya, baik di Inggris maupun di negara lain di Eropa. Ketika tiba di Inggris, saya bahkan bener-bener kaget karena nemuin banyak banget wanita berhijab di jalan - dari yang berturban sampai bercadar. Senengnya lagi, setiap papasan kami pasti bertukar senyum dan salam. 'Assalamu'alaikum' sampai terasa seperti sandi rahasia antar umat muslim. Teman saya sampai pernah bertanya, "Do you know that person?" "No," saya bilang. "But in Islam, we're all sisters. And we have a special way to greet each other". A beautiful way, indeed.

Meskipun selalu mendapatkan perlakuan yang baik selama di Eropa, kadang-kadang saya merasa ada banyak mata yang memperhatikan, terutama di beberapa kota yang jumlah muslimnya nggak banyak (misalnya ketika di Madrid). Tapi saya merasa tatapan itu cuma sekedar bentuk curiosity - and there's nothing wrong about it. Kalau kebetulan berpapasan dengan seseorang yang kelihatan sedang memperhatikan saya, biasanya saya senyumin aja orangnya. Chances are, they will do nothing but to smile back. Namun, karena sering merasa diperhatikan, saya kadang merasa mendapatkan tekanan untuk selalu berperilaku baik karena sedang membawa identitas agama saya. Kalau saya buang sampah sembarangan atau datang terlambat, misalnya, saya merasa bahwa yang dinilai negatif oleh orang lain bukan hanya perilaku saya sebagai seorang individu, tapi juga sebagai seorang muslim.

Selain dengan memberikan perhatian lebih, teman-teman saya biasanya menunjukkan rasa ingin tahunya dengan bertanya langsung. Ketika bulan Ramadhan misalnya, teman saya bertanya, gimana caranya saya survive tanpa makan dan minum selama dua puluh jam. Ada juga yang pertanyaannya lebih serius: kenapa puasa dilakukan di bulan Ramadhan, kenapa ada Muslim yang pakai jilbab dan yang nggak pakai jibab, atau kenapa saya nggak boleh makan babi. 

Karena komunitas Muslim cukup banyak di Eropa (khususnya di Inggris), mendapatkan makanan halal juga bukan hal yang sulit. Toko yang menjual kebab atau ayam goreng halal dengan harga murah pasti ada (setidaknya di setiap kota yang pernah saya datangi). Saya biasanya mengecek makanan halal melalui situs Zabihah, meskipun infonya kadang kurang lengkap. Kalaupun tidak menemukan restoran halal, bosan dengan pilihan makanan yang ada, atau harus pergi ke sebuah restoran karena diundang oleh teman, saya biasanya memilih menu vegetarian atau seafood. Peraturan di Inggris mengharuskan restoran untuk memberikan informasi mengenai bahan makanan dan allergen, sehingga biasanya di menu akan dicantumkan kalau makanannya menggunakan alkohol (atau bahan makanan lain yang tidak halal). Supaya lebih tenang lagi, tinggal tanya ke pelayannya, apakah makanan yang kita pesan mengandung bahan-bahan tersebut.

Mencari tempat ibadah juga bukan perkara sulit. Hampir semua kota besar di Eropa memiliki masjid, meskipun ada masjid yang ternyata hanya dibuka untuk laki-laki pada hari biasa (saya dan teman saya pernah masuk ke masjid khusus laki-laki dan malunya luar biasa). Pastikan lokasi pintu masuk untuk perempuan juga ya, karena ada beberapa masjid yang memisahkan gedung atau ruangan shalat laki-laki dan perempuan (saya juga pernah salah masuk dan malu banget rasanya). Jika tidak ada masjid di pusat kota, saya pernah shalat di kereta atau di restoran (untungnya saya berhijab, jadi nggak usah pakai mukena lagi) - karena saya masih merasa risih untuk shalat di taman atau tempat umum lainnya. Nggak enak aja rasanya kalau dilihat banyak orang, meskipun mereka juga nggak akan banyak berkomentar. But of course, it could also be an option.

Grande Moschea di Roma, salah satu masjid terbesar di luar negara Islam.

Salah satu kenalan saya di Inggris pernah bertanya, bagaimana cara saya beradaptasi dengan budaya di Inggris yang mungkin sangat berbeda dengan di negara Muslim. "It must be hard for you to adjust," katanya. Tidak juga sih, karena selama ini saya tetap berusaha untuk tetap open-minded meskipun tetap berusaha untuk menjaga diri saya. Tercampur tapi tidak terkontaminasi, kalau kata ibu saya.

Saya, misalnya, tetap mau untuk ikut ke pub jika masih siang atau setidaknya masih jam makan malam. Di Inggris, Pub bukan hanya tempat minum, tapi juga tempat makan dan ngobrol (karena kebanyakan cafe sudah tutup jam 8 malam). Saya biasanya memesan fish n' chips atau scampi (sejenis udang goreng tepung) dan minum air putih, sementara teman-teman saya memesan minuman beralkohol. Tapi, jika diajak ke pub setelah makan malam (karena teman-teman saya masih ingin minum-minum), biasanya saya izin untuk pulang duluan, karena hati saya rasanya nggak tenang untuk ikutan pergi meskipun saya juga nggak "ngapa-ngapain". Meskipun kesempatan saya untuk bersosialisasi jadi sedikit berkurang, saya tetap merasa nyaman dengan keputusan saya, karena toh semua teman saya menghargai keputusan saya untuk menghindari beberapa tempat, makanan, dan minuman. Nggak ada yang pernah memaksa saya untuk melakukan sesuatu yang bertentangan dengan nilai dan kepercayaan yang saya anut.

Bersama beberapa teman sekelas

Singkatnya, tidak perlu khawatir untuk pergi atau menetap di negara yang mayoritas penduduknya bukan Muslim. Tentu ada banyak hal yang perlu disesuaikan dan dikompromikan, tapi saya percaya kalau pengalaman hidup sebagai minoritas merupakan pengalaman yang sangat berharga karena setidaknya bisa membuat saya lebih menghargai perbedaan. Saya juga jadi memiliki kesempatan untuk mengubah persepsi orang-orang tentang Islam, seperti kata seorang teman saya yang warga Inggris, "It's not only beneficial for you. It's also great for us - so that we can learn more about other culture and beliefs."


LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...