About Tying The Knot

It turns out the last time I wrote something on my blog was more than a year ago. A lot has happened in a year. Like a lot, a lot. Like I-freaking-get-married, a lot. A year ago, I’d laugh if someone told me I’d be married within a year – but I did. Even weirder, I got married within 6 months with someone I barely knew, through a process called ta’aruf. And this blog post is all about it – to answer some questions I often get. A little disclaimer: This post is quite lengthy, so prepare yourself.

What’s ta’aruf?

If you haven’t heard of it, it literally means “introduction” in Arabic. But to put you in context, it usually means a process of getting married without dating; in a short period of time.

How does it work?

So basically, there are two mediators (in my case, my mom and his ustadz) who communicate and ask to exchange our CV. Ideally, the mediator is the one who knew the person really well (and can attest to their quality). My mom sent some background information about me through WhatsApp (I didn’t know anything about it) and she did receive a CV from him. My mom didn’t let me know because: 1) I kept telling her that I don’t want to get married before finishing my second post-grad while at the same time telling her that I might change my mind if I met the right guy; 2) She doesn’t want to hurt my feelings if I know she send my CV and the guy didn’t respond. She’s kind of sweet like that.

The CV contains any basic information you would find on a regular CV (organizational experience, educational background, job history, current salary), added with some other things, like what does that person seek in a partner, his life goal, his marriage goal, his family, etc.

Normally, when both parties are satisfied with the other parties’ CV, they decided to meet (accompanied by the mediators). In my case, as I didn’t know any of it, my parents decided to meet with him first, to make sure whether he’s someone I'd be interested to meet. A few weeks after, I met him, accompanied by my parents.

Is this something that you plan? Something you know you’d do to get married?

Actually, no. I wasn’t planning to date (I haven’t dated anyone before in my life), but I wasn’t planning to marry a stranger either. What I had in mind is to meet a great guy that completes all my checklist and just get married without all the dating-drama, but of course, life can’t always be planned.

Why did you agree to do this?

The most important reason is because of my parents, my role model, a living example that ta’aruf works. They met through the same process and they have the healthiest relationship I know. They got married not knowing each other, and now they’re inseparable.

The second reason is that I want a partner who’s going to get me closer to Allah. A partner who’s going to be a good father for my children. In order to find that kind of guy, I believe that I have to set my feelings aside and put on my logical hat.

Ta’aruf works for a reason: Because both parties agree that Allah is capable of anything, including turn someone’s heart and plant love in it. Because both parties share the same strong religious values and agree that any kind of problem is bearable if we wear the same glasses to see that through. Same book, same rules, same God. If you don’t believe in that, then ta’aruf is definitely not for you.

How do you know that you’re not buying a cat in a sack?

Well, as an aspiring psychologist, I was taught to interview and observe people. So that’s basically my main tool – I prepared a question list and tried my best to be observant. I also asked some of his friends and family about him; about what he’s like and what his flaws are. He also did the same thing. Additionally, I included all of my family members to be the judge. If one of them said no, then I might too.

Throughout the process, can you say ‘no’ if you find out something you don’t like about the guy?

Of course. The ta’aruf process takes place until the day of Akad. There’s a lot that could happen, and that’s why most of the couple who do ta’aruf don’t announce their wedding until at least two weeks before the D-day. Throughout the process, my parents kept asking me whether I still want to go on and reminding me to do the istikharah prayer to strengthen my decision.

How was it when you met for the first time?

It was actually not as terrifying as what I expected. My dad opened the “meeting”, but we didn’t need help to continue the conversation. Both of us asked plenty of questions that we wrote on our phone. One thing about ta’aruf is, everything’s clear. No question is off-limits, because we both know where we are going with this since our first meeting. And even better, as someone who’s terrible with small talks, we can go straight to the deep conversation as early as possible.

So I asked him about his aspirations in life, his relationship with his family, his view on women with high degree and a good career, his view about the role of husband and wife, and his opinion on parenting. Meanwhile, he asked me about my vision on marriage, the way I’d treat his mother, and how do I express my anger, among other things. We also talked about political views and religious beliefs.

How often did you see him or contact him?

We met officially about five times before getting married: One time with my parents (only the four of us), one time with my whole family, once with his family, once during the engagement, and once about two weeks before the wedding (when I was in doubt and need to make sure a few things). But we met on a few other occasions related to the wedding-preparation.

He didn’t want us to directly contact each other, but I asked him to, because I need all the chance I can get to get to know each other and make sure that we’re right for each other. So we chat through WhatsApp quite regularly (though only to discuss important matters, nothing personal or affectionate at all), and we talk through a phone call once (when we kind of had a fight). That’s all, folks!

Did you have any doubt in the process?

I did, actually. Repeatedly. A lot of things make me feel too worried, from certain qualities I found out about him that I don’t really like, to questions from my friend who never knew anything about ta’aruf (Questions like... “Are you really sure you want to do this?”, “how would you know if He really is a good person?”, “Are you in love with him yet?”, etc.)

What was the biggest obstacle?

Myself. I was never in a relationship before, and my parents raised me to be ambitious and independent. Somehow it affects me to put a high expectation on people. It's hard for me to accept people's flaws. Until I realize that perfection just doesn't exist. I'm not even perfect myself; so who am I to expect it from others?

So how did you learn to accept his flaws?

My mom taught me to stay focused on his strengths, while remembering that he accepted all my flaws, too. That work even better than I thought. Luckily he doesn't mind me complaining (or at least he pretend not to), because marriage is also about growing together, right?

How did you talk about financial issues and other matters that are quite personal and yet is important to talk about?

We didn't have that conversation in detail before we get married. I know it's important, but I didn't want to seem too materialistic (since we didn't know each other well back then). But once we became a spouse, we had the conversation right away. It wasn't awkward at all because we both know about a husband and wife's rights and obligations in Islam.

How much did little things (like snoring or any other habits) matter in your decision making?

I didn’t really consider small things, because I divide my criteria into two categories: major/unchangeable and minor/changeable. I wouldn’t take anything under the minor/changeable category as a deal-breaker, because it would be unfair to. I put it under my to-complain-list, though, haha.

How could you be sure that he’s the right guy?

Honestly, I was never sure. I’m very logical, so it’s hard for me to be sure of something with lack of evidence. I’m also quite ruminative. The “what if” questions keep popping in my head, running around. What if he’s now someone he said he was? What if it’s just for show? What if I make the wrong decision here? What if everything I know is wrong? What if just another jerk? Etcetera.

Whenever I was in doubt, I reminded myself of what I look for a partner. It’s hard to say no when all of my checklists got ticked. 

Someone told me that love comes with consequences. There are consequences that we have to take if we want to be with a certain kind of person. For instance, if you want to be with a smart and independent woman, then you have to accept that she will be a bit stubborn. Someone also told me that whenever I see the bad in someone, know that at that very second, that person might see the bad in us, too. Another someone told me that if she wants to marry someone that fits her perfectly, she’d marry herself.

See where I’m going with this? Perfect guys don’t exist. People come with their own strength and baggage. It’s not like I’m perfect, anyway.

What are the things that you find helpful to banish all the doubts?

I found it helpful to talk to people who got married through ta’aruf, talk to people who are happily married and talk to my parents (who happen to be both). Luckily, I’m surrounded by a lot of people who are wise enough to help me see things through.

Another thing that works is, of course, talking to Allah. I pray for him to always shower me with blessings in life and hereafter and protect me from harms. Keeping myself busy also works, as it prevents me from overthinking way too much.

In the end, I decided to just let things be. If the process is trouble-free, then perhaps it’s meant to be. In the end, I realize that no matter how much I use my logic to come up with reasons why this ta’aruf-thing won’t work, the universe keeps reminding me that even being where I am today with so little effort is beyond logical. That there really is Someone out there answering all of my prayers; watching me, guiding my every step, opening doors of opportunities, closing doors I don’t need, protecting me from harms, and making things easy for me. That I became the person that I am today not only because of me and what I do, but also because Allah has been helping me through it all. And He will continue to do so if I keep my faith strong and let Him do His wonders. So in the end, I kept reminding myself, why do I need to worry? When all my life, He has never wronged me, not even once?

And how is your marriage now?

This is too early to tell, and too long to describe in detail. But I assure you, I didn’t regret my decision. If not through ta’aruf, I don’t think I can meet a person this good. This pious, this patient, this kind, and this selfless; cause I haven’t found any guy like him in real life. And of course the fun thing about getting married this way is, every day after we get married, we learn something new about each other. Things get exciting that way. There are obviously some awkward moments as well, but only for the first few days. No big deal.

Any tips for anyone who is planning to do this (or is going through ta’aruf)?

Keep your faith strong. Keep reminding yourself what your marriage goal is, and what kind of person will be most suitable to walk with you towards that goal. Set your criteria in order, from the most important to something that's just a bonus. If you need someone to discuss your problems with, pick some friends who are familiar or comfortable with ta’aruf process; ideally those who have gone through the same thing. Lastly, never stop praying. Ask for His guidance and protection, and I guarantee you, you’ll feel a lot better.

I wish I could share a lot more, but this post is too long already. Hopefully this might help you understand ta’aruf better. Ask away if you want to know something I haven’t explained here!

Tentang Pendidikan dan Politik

Rasanya seperti membaca buku atau menonton film dengan akhir yang twisted. Atau seperti patah hati, malah lebih buruk lagi. Kaget, sedih, kecewa. Bingung.

Memang jika urusannya politik, hati tidak boleh banyak bermain. "Ini sudah biasa," kata orang-orang. "Hak prerogatif," kata sebagian yang lain.

Dalam hati, saya malu sendiri. Entah terlalu polos atau idealis, tapi rasa sedih itu tak bisa disembunyikan. Apa yang sudah dikerjakan bersama selama enam bulan terakhir yang akan jadi taruhan. Terlalu polos kah saya jika sempat percaya bahwa pendidikan kita pelan-pelan akan membaik? Terlalu lugu kah saya jika sempat yakin bahwa apa yang kami kerjakan kemarin benar-benar akan bermanfaat bagi banyak orang? Terlalu naif kah saya jika menitikkan air mata hanya karena memikirkan kelanjutan hal-hal positif yang sudah dilakukan bersama?

Seumur-umur, rasanya saya tak pernah benar-benar peduli dengan reshuffle kabinet. Sampai kejadiannya berlangsung di depan mata saya sendiri. Reshuffle ternyata bukan hanya perihal mengganti satu menteri, tapi juga memecat puluhan orang hebat yang tidak punya salah apa-apa. Soal memutus perjuangan yang baru saja dimulai. Karena merubah pola pikir dan kebiasaan serta menamkan nilai-nilai baru tentu membutuhkan waktu lebih banyak dari dua puluh bulan.

Berat rasanya untuk menerima, tapi toh keputusan sudah diambil. Tidak ada yang bisa dilakukan selain berdoa bahwa hal-hal baik yang telah dirintis bisa berlanjut dan membawa perubahan besar, dan tetap melangkah untuk terus berkontribusi dengan jalan lain yang dikuasai.

Teman bekerja dan berdiskusi serta sumber belajar saya selama enam bulan terakhir.

Pak, terima kasih karena telah mempercayai kami, pemuda-pemudi bau kencur dengan minat dan semangat besar untuk memajukan pendidikan di Indonesia, untuk membantu mengawal isu-isu strategis Mendikbud. Terima kasih karena telah mendengarkan kami dan berdiskusi tanpa peduli dengan lapisan struktural, perbedaan usia, serta pengalaman. Terima kasih karena telah menjadi pribadi yang santun, bijak, hangat, menginspirasi, dan selalu berusaha mengingat nama orang lain meskipun harus dicatat.

Hari pertama berinteraksi dengan Pak Anies. Beliau yang minta berfoto bersama karena tahu kami masih malu-malu.

Terima kasih karena telah menunjukkan kemampuan bicara yang luar biasa, serta memberikan banyak ide dan terobosan yang menarik. Terima kasih karena telah memperjuangkan pendidikan dan tidak mereduksinya menjadi kartu senilai satu juta rupiah per tahun serta sekolah pencetak tenaga kerja. Terima kasih karena telah menunjukkan pentingnya peran keluarga, keterlibatan publik, disiplin positif, kemampuan berpikir kritis dan literasi abad-21, serta remunerasi dan jenjang karir yang sesuai dengan kompetensi dan kinerja. Terima kasih karena telah pelan-pelan mengajak para birokrat untuk berjalan ke arah yang lebih baik, untuk bekerja dengan lebih efektif dan menjadi pemimpin yang egaliter.

Enam bulan ini, saya belajar bahwa Bapak bukanlah sosok sempurna yang luput dari kesalahan, namun manusia yang berusaha semaksimal mungkin untuk melakukan yang terbaik. Saya percaya Bapak bisa terus menyalakan lilin dimanapun dan menggerakkan semangat jutaan pemuda untuk mulai memikirkan kelanjutan bangsanya.

Tangisan warga Kemdikbud melepas Pak Anies (diambil oleh Ade Chandra)

Sekali lagi, terima kasih untuk semuanya. Kementerian Pendidikan dan Kebudayaan bukan hanya kehilangan seorang Anies Baswedan, tapi juga sebagian besar timnya yang benar-benar peduli dengan kemajuan pendidikan dan mau bekerja keras untuk membuat perubahan.

Seperti kata Bapak, menteri boleh berganti, tapi ikhtiar kita semua untuk mendidik anak bangsa tak boleh terhenti.

About Trust And Disappointment

This week I learned again that not everyone is a good person. There are people who couldn't put themselves in other people's shoes. People who only care about their own well-being, and simply don't care about anyone else's. People who could only see bad in other people, and good in themselves. These people do exist, whether I like it or not. Whether I could empathize with them or not. Hating them wouldn't do any good, but trusting them would only show how gullible I am.

There are also people who act like they're good and friendly. Like they're trustworthy. People who, in the end, would betray your trust and are actually not on your side, but too afraid to say it on to your face. People you'd put high expectation on, but then you realize you can't really rely on.

If you're lucky enough, though, most of the people you'll meet in your life would be good people. Some are even more special. The kind who's going to listen and be supportive. People who will love you no matter what. People who will help you grow and be a better person. People who matter, and hence worth spending time with and to listen to.

This week, I was reminded again that I will always be the victim if I expect too much from others. That being too nice to anyone won't do me any good.

However, I also learned that being all angry and aggressive wouldn't solve the problem. So would being submissive. Being assertive is the one that would work. Express what you feel with the relevant evidence, give the person a chance to justify their behavior and to give feedback to you as well (because we're not perfect either, obviously), and let them know why you want them to change their behavior. Use the "I-message" strategy, as I seconded its efficacy. So yes, the next time I felt like being mistreated by others, even in other contexts, I promise myself to always do that.

I'm grateful for having the opportunity to work with various types of people. The great one, the annoying one, the mature one, the one who couldn't stop whining, the aggressive one, and the one who goes all passive-aggressive. That way, I have a chance to learn about how to handle different kinds of people and to communicate better. 

It was such an intense week, and yet I learn so much about people and myself. 

To Be Proud

There are times when I look down on myself. Times when I feel that I'm not good enough. Not smart enough, not kind enough, not working hard enough. Just not enough.

But today is not one of those days. Today, I feel proud of myself. For making it this far. For doing pretty well in the job I'd been so worried about. For being able to stay on track. For showing grit, even when it means going back to school once more. And even for being able to pay half of my tuition fee.

I know that the journey won't be all fun and easy. There will be times when I'm overwhelmed with all the assignments. Times when I feel frustrated and not good enough to be a psychologist. Times when I compare my worst day with other people's best. Times when I question myself and my decision. Just like whenever I tried something new and met a lot of talented people.

There will be times like that, and that's okay. I'm a ruminator, and I'll probably always be one. That's okay though, as I realize ruminating challenges myself to be better. I just need to remember that just like any other thing I've encountered in life, everything shall pass; for Allah won't ever burden me beyond what I can't bear.

I'm working on it. I'm learning to accept all of my flaws, because no one is perfect and I shouldn't expect myself to be. Because all the successful people I've met weren't always happy and successful and got everything figured out. I know what helps, though: asking feedbacks from people I look up to, to help assure me that I'm not as bad as I think I am. To help me become a better,  nicer, more objective judge to myself. Aside from that, keeping a list of things I do well and positive things about me also came in handy. It helps me remember that although I'm not perfect, there really are reasons for me to stop being so hard on myself, as I'm not that bad. Well, chances are, no ruminator is.

I'll always remember to compare myself with no one but me. Yes, I'm still far away from what I long to be, but I've also grown so much over the last few years. And for that, I should be proud of myself.

Today I feel blissful and blessed. A little sad to realize that I might leave the newly-discovered comfort zone soon, yet excited to find a new one. 

The road might not be that easy, but I think I'm ready. 

-

Hope you'll always find a reason to be proud of yourself, too. 

About The One, Inevitable Question

I wrote a few years ago that people started asking the "when" questions after I graduated from college, despite my exceptionally young age. It turns out that the number of questions multiplied after I have had my master's degree. "What else are you looking for?", some asked. "You have everything now. Why aren't you married yet?"

I never took the "when" questions personally. Most of the times, I truly believe that people ask because they care about me, or they were just curious about my plan.

Sometimes, though, the question was asked in a more judgmental tone.

"You need to start thinking about getting married. A girl's biggest achievement is her family. A dad's greatest success is also to witness her daughter getting hitched. That's why it's important to know that life needs to be balanced between career, education, and marriage," lectured a condescending uncle and aunt of mine just a few weeks ago, although ironically, they also have a single daughter who is older than me.

I was quite annoyed, but then relieved. I was grateful when I realized that I have understanding parents who would never pressure me that way. Who understands perfectly that just because I am a high-achiever and very determined to catch my dreams, doesn't mean that I don't ever want to get married. 

While studying abroad, I met plenty of independent Indonesian women who have left the age of 25, the so-called "yellow-light" period for a single woman in Indonesia. I know from their story that unlike the typical alpha-women in the movie, they don't plan to stay single forever. Heck, most of them don't even choose to be single, and it's not like they're unattractive or bizarre in any way. They just haven't met the right person yet, and they won't stop catching their dreams only to ensure that they won't make men feel intimidated.

Some of the Indonesian girls I met in the UK even decided to go abroad to run away from their infuriating family who keep lecturing that the clock is ticking, as if they didn't know about it already! Pressuring someone to do something they actually want to do won't do them any good, that I can assure.

By contrast, I know a girl who decided to get married because she didn't like studying in college and didn't want to work afterward. It's pretty sad to know that nowadays, there are still girls who still think that way. Marriage is not something you choose because you don't know what else to do with your life. Marriage is something you choose when you are ready to be someone's wife and mom. And it's just as hard as work, as it is, work.

Of course, I also have some friends who got married because they have found someone they truly love and supportive of their dreams, and I couldn't be happier for them. Marrying young is a bold decision and I'm proud of my friends who are not afraid (of the worldly reasons) to get married. But not everyone is lucky enough to have that experience, I believe. Allah knows what's best for us, and sometimes He wants to give us more time to explore the world and to find ourselves.

So the next time someone lectures me about getting married, I would just nod and smile (hopefully not contemptuously). I would tell them that getting married is not as easy as buying a new pair of shoes, and that I obviously want to have a family of my own when I have found the right man to spend the rest of my life with. Next time someone tells me that I make men feel inferior (although seriously, I'm not even sure how), I'm going to tell them that I'm quite sure there is someone out there who is not afraid to stand beside me -- to be better together. And the next time someone told me to not even thinking about getting another postgraduate degree, I would tell them that everything I do is to prepare me to be a better wife and mother in the future. Because it takes a clever woman to raise clever children! And because I want to inspire my children; I want them to be motivated because if their mother can do it, they can do so much more.

And next time someone mentions that my parents will not be proud and happy until I got married, I would tell them that a dad's greatest success is not when seeing his daughter marry someone, but seeing her grow and bloom to be an intelligent, independent, happy woman. A mom's greatest success is when seeing her daughter becoming a woman who lives a fulfilling and contented life, who can contribute and be useful to the society, and who can also be a great mother when she had become one.

And in the meantime, I'll meet as many inspiring people as I can, and listen to their story. Then I'll be even more certain that each of us has different goals and timeline. That worrying about the future is unnecessary, because everything has been written down and will work out just fine; as long as we always put the best effort and leave the rest to Allah. That Allah is the best planner, and that He always knows what's best for us.

(Source: Tumblr)

To all the bright women out there who haven't found the right person, just keep going and remember: Allah has promised that good women are destined to be with good men. The right time will come. And in the meantime, enjoy your life and make the most of it. 

Tentang Kritik dan Mengkritik

Banyak insight yang saya dapatkan selama 6 bulan menjadi konsultan di Kementerian Pendidikan, khususnya selama hampir 3 bulan terakhir, karena saya dan teman-teman membantu menangani isu-isu strategis pendidikan. Salah satu insight penting yang saya pelajari adalah pentingnya berhati-hati dalam mengajukan kritik.

Sure, kritik membantu memberikan tekanan kepada pihak tertentu untuk berubah menjadi lebih baik, apalagi kritik yang disampaikan berulang di media massa. Sayangnya, beberapa kritik yang saya baca belakangan tentang pendidikan cenderung tidak konstruktif dan kadang tidak tepat sasaran. Hal ini akan berdampak negatif, karena opini tersebut dapat mengarahkan sikap dan perilaku masyarakat.

Saya akhirnya juga belajar untuk tidak asal tunjuk ketika ada masalah. Bahwa tidak semua masalah di negeri ini disebabkan oleh Pemerintah. Bahwa Pemerintah sebenarnya juga mengetahui masalah-masalah yang ada dan berjuang keras untuk mencari solusinya, meskipun kadang langkah yang diambil masih kurang tepat atau hanya merefleksikan isomorphic mimicry - meniru best practice di negara lain namun tidak secara menyeluruh (hanya kulitnya saja), sehingga masalah pun tidak berkurang secara signifikan.

Saya pun belajar bahwa, jika suatu saat saya akan memberikan kritik, saya harus menganalisis dulu masalahnya secara obyektif dan mendalam. Siapa saja yang mungkin berperan, apa pokok permasalahannya, dan apa solusi yang paling feasible. Karena satu lagi yang saya pahami setelah menjadi bagian dari Pemerintah: It's not easy to please everyone in the country. Kebijakan dibuat dengan mempertimbangkan banyak hal; bukan hanya masalah idealisme atau purely berdasarkan teori dan hasil penelitian.

Negara kita luasnya bukan main, ragamnya juga. Maka tidak bijak ketika kita terus-terusan membandingkan kualitas pendidikan di Indonesia dengan di Singapura atau Finlandia tanpa mempertimbangkan faktor lain. Karena tahu kah kamu kalau warga negara Singapura banyaknya kurang lebih sama dengan jumlah guru di Indonesia? Tahu kah kamu bahwa sistem desentralisasi di Indonesia menyebabkan banyak aktor kunci berperan dalam menentukan pencapaian pendidikan, selain pemerintah pusat?

Sistem pendidikan kita memang masih jauh dari sempurna. Tapi sebelum berkoar-koar dan menyalahkan para pembuat kebijakan, tidak ada salahnya kan, untuk mempelajari dulu kebijakan apa yang rencananya akan diterapkan dalam beberapa tahun ke depan?

Sistem pendidikan kita memang masih jauh dari sempurna, tapi percaya lah, we're heading there. Kritik tentu tetap boleh ditayangkan, namun dengan tujuan yang baik, untuk mengingatkan para pembuat kebijakan untuk konsisten melakukan perubahan; bukan untuk menaikkan nama pribadi dan menjatuhkan orang lain. Berbaik sangka itu penting, disertai dengan dukungan nyata agar semua rencana baik bisa terlaksana.

(Source: Pinterest)

Karena satu hal lagi yang saya pelajari: Banyak orang yang sibuk mengkritik, tapi hanya sebagian yang benar-benar peduli dan mau membantu.

The Thing About Life

Funny thing about life: you thought you knew everything about something, but as you learn a little more, you realize that you don't.

You thought you knew exactly what you're going to do, but as you explore a little more, you realize that you don't.

You thought you knew what you want, but as you grow up a little more, you realize that that you don't.

You thought you're so good at something, but as you meet a few more people, you realize that you're not. Not that good.

Because we are not perfect. Because we can't be good at everything. We cannot please everyone. And we don't have to conform and be like everyone else. And that's okay.

Because life can't be all about making a long list and putting a tick in each box. It can't be about drawing a map and hitting the gas to reach the destination. Life is not a race, although some people sure make it look like it is.

Because life, from what I see, is all about the uncertainties. It's all about the surprises. It's all about learning new things and expanding the horizon. It's about the journey, indeed.

And therefore, it is okay to doubt yourself sometimes. It is okay to ponder. It is okay to stumble.

(Source)

It is okay, as long as you still acknowledge and appreciate all the good things about yourself afterwards. As long as you know that your presence matters. As long as you learn and keep going.

Because that, is how you grow.

The Significant People

If I have to be thankful for just one thing in my life, I'd pick the people in a heartbeat. Yes, there are other things that make me feel utterly blessed, but nothing compares to the people in my life.

For starters, I have a wonderful family. A warm, loving, pious family. I couldn't leave the "pious" part because I think it's one of the reasons why our family becomes like we are. Religion is one of the things that glues us together, although sometimes it could also be one of the things that keep us apart (only for a few seconds, though). Religion is one of the reasons why my parents found and love each other (a preacher once told me that loving a person we marry is more important than marrying a person we love, and I couldn't agree more). It's the reason why they have been trying their best to raise their children well. And I really think they have been doing a great job.

So when I think about it, a loving family is not something that's given. Having a great family requires great work and compromise. It requires the parents to listen to their children's opinion, no matter how theoretical it sounds (especially when the oldest child is studying psychology). It requires the children to believe that the parents love them and have their best interests at heart, so the children will listen to everything they said, no matter how discrepant it is from their friends' parents' rules. 

I'm also blessed with my friends. I don't have an abundance of that, but I have my persons. I have people who could always lift me up when I'm not feeling so great about myself. People I could always trust and rely on. People I could always be myself with. People who have been helping me to grow - to be wiser and more mature. People I could spend hours and hours just to talk to. Some I met in the UK, but most of my significant friends are those I met in college. 

For now, it's enough. They are more than enough, and I wouldn't trade them for the world. They might not be enough for a few more years, but I have to keep believing that there's someone out there who can make my surrounding feels more complete. To make it feel even more perfect. 

And hopefully, all the people in my worldly life would also be my people in Jannah. That would be the ultimate contentment.

Update:
I watched a TED Talk about a study conducted for 75 years, which shows that a good quality of relationship is what makes people happiest and live longer. I guess I'm on the right track, then!

About Being Superficial

Have you ever thought about how shallow our life is? Because lately I have.

Lately I no longer open Path and Instagram more than ten times a day - just to see when did who go out where with whom. Lately I've been scrolling down my own page to see the things that I have posted, and wonder why did I post them in the first place. Some of the posts are not even news-worthy; meaning, no one would really want to know about it. Some, I even found a little too braggy. Why do I become so shallow? Is it because I want people to appreciate me? Is it because I long for likes, loves, and thumbs ups? Is it because I want my friends to see how perfect my life is? Because, spoiler alert, it is not; and so does everyone else's.

I guess I did post what I have posted just because everyone else does it. It has become the new normal, and it's completely normal to conform. And yes, when I was living abroad, it really was pleasing to see what my friends in Indonesia are up to, just to make me feel like I was not a thousand of miles away. Although in the end, I learned that those friends I had observed have their own problems and insecurities; things that I could not discover online.

Another part of me did it also because I have the need to tell someone about something. It feels good to write my thoughts down or say it aloud, which is why I blogged in the first place. But lately I've been wondering if my personal life is way too available on the internet. Yes, there are many many things that I keep to myself (and/or with my significant others), but a stranger would know a lot (like a lot, a lot) about me if they googled my name. And I'm not even someone. Lately I've been wondering if that's the right thing to do. That's why I have decided to buy a journal and write in the old-fashioned way. I realised that I need to write more honestly in order to regulate myself better; and I need to write them in a personal space where I don't have to worry about being judged.

And frankly, another part of me, of course, posted all those things to maintain the "self-image" that I have apparently created. And yes, sometimes, I retouched a few things and make it look better than it actually is. That's when I feel shallow and phony.

And no, this not the kind of post when I'd write, "I will delete all my social media account" or "I will not use internet ever again". This is simply just a reminder to me, to be less superficial. To hold the temptations to post all the unnecessary things.

If that's possible.

Menjadi Ibu

Satu lagi hal yang saya pelajari selama kuliah di UK: Belajar jadi istri dan ibu. 

Selama di UK, saya jadi kenal banyak ibu-ibu yang nggak tipikal. Usianya beragam, dari kepala dua sampai hampir kepala empat. Ada yang sedang kuliah master, PhD, atau menemani suami kuliah atau kerja. Ada yang single mother, ada yang belum juga dikaruniai anak, dan ada yang punya anak banyak. Ada yang selalu keliatan senang, ada yang curhat sampe sesenggukan karena capek ngurusin dua balita yang aktifnya masya Allah, ada juga yang hidupnya keras tapi semangat dan optimismenya lebih keras lagi. Ada yang alpha-wife, ada yang bener-bener tipe wanita-patuh-dan-manis. 

Nggak tipikal karena mereka semua memulai hidup baru di UK. Nggak ada baby sitter, nggak ada pembantu, nggak ada orang tua atau mertua yang bisa dimintai tolong. Nggak ada abang-abang sate atau nasi goreng yang bisa distop kalo lagi terlalu sibuk atau males masak. Nggak ada guru les atau guru ngaji yang bisa dipanggil ke rumah. Semuanya harus dilakuin sendiri.

Mengobservasi dan mendengarkan cerita mereka adalah salah satu kesenangan saya. Some people have real problems, and I think married people all do. Selain masalah burn out, ada juga masalah-masalah yang lebih kompleks seperti masalah rumah tangga atau pekerjaan suami. Masalah-masalah yang complicated dan bikin saya nggak bisa komentar apa-apa karena saya sadar saya masih amat bocah, polos, dan egois untuk sekedar berkomentar. 

Intinya, jadi ibu dan istri itu nggak gampang. Apalagi buat perempuan-perempuan yang berpendidikan tinggi dan punya ambisi. Ada banyak banget yang harus dikompromiin. No matter how bad you want something, your children's needs are going to come first.  Ada mimpi-mimpi yang harus direlakan kalau akan lebih banyak membebani keluarga. Momen-momen yang kayak gini yang bikin saya sadar kalo saya kok rasanya belum siap jadi ibu, meskipun udah banyak baca tentang teori psikologi keluarga dan parenting dan sering dicurhatin sama ibu-ibu. Atau semua wanita pasti akan siap pada waktunya, ya? Entahlah. 

Dari semua ibu yang saya kenal cukup dekat, favorit saya adalah mereka-mereka yang bisa mendapatkan insight sendiri ketika sedang bercerita. Mereka butuh didengar dan butuh mengeluarkan unek-unek sebagai bagian dari cara untuk meregulasi emosi, tapi mereka juga tahu gimana cara nyelesainnya. 

Mau tau strategi coping-nya? Yes, religious coping! 

Bayangin, ada yang cerita kalo beasiswa dan kontrak kerja suaminya nggak diperpanjang, dan tahu apa yang mereka bilang?

"Saya sih nggak khawatir sebenernya, pasrah aja sama rencana Allah. Saya nggak mau jadi tergantung sama manusia."

"Saya percaya Allah pasti akan bukain jalan kok, meskipun ada masalah ini. Jadi saya nggak khawatir."

Dan teman saya yang curhat karena burn-out jadi ibu itu? Well, she planned to have another baby next year. 

"Secapek apapun saya, kalo liat dia capek saya langsung ilang. Rasanya semuanya jadi worth-it deh! Lagian kan ini ladang ibadah saya juga, ya."

Some people have real problems, and they don't even worry about it. 

Because everything, indeed, has been written down. 

A Second Chance

I am currently on a mission to spend more time reading. TV series, movies, and all the gadgets I have make it so hard to get lost in a book, no matter how good it is. I read less than 10 books last year, and I think less than 5 a year beforehand. I have promised myself to read, and got even more enthusiastic after reading this article.

So I decided to give reading a second chance. I want to feel the same way about books like I did ten years ago. Now I have read more than 15 books this year, and even though it's not that much, I am proud of myself because I show progress.

If you also do want to be an avid reader again, the first thing that you need to do to start reading is deciding what genre would be most suitable for you. Just think about the kind of movie you'd usually go to, or the topic that intrigues you. Mine would be fiction (the adult one), parenting, religion, and psychology. You should also decide what are you reading for: Is it solely for amusement? Or do you also want to deepen your understanding about something?

The next step that should be done is signing up for a Goodreads account. If you want to start reading again, you have to make sure that you are not going to spend hours reading a book that's not even worth your time. I started by looking at books from Goodreads Choice Awards. I know that everybody have a different taste and you might not like the book that another hundred thousands of people do, but reading a best-seller is a safe bet. Also, listing the book that you have read and want to read is a good idea to make you focused and feel more excited. The community is also important, as you'll find thousands of people who are profoundly passionate about reading.

You want to see book recommendations in a video form because that's just something that you enjoy? Then the so-called BookTube is the right place. Just search a book's title in YouTube, and watch the review. The only BookTube-r I subscribe is Booksandquills, just because she can make a book sounds very interesting and make me want to read it (even though I might not really like the book after all). I'm still looking for one that suit my reading preference the most, though.

Besides Goodreads and YouTube, of course you can ask your friends for recommendations, although it's not easy to find someone who reads lately - especially someone who reads the kind of book that you like to read. So whenever a close friend of mine posted a book on Path, I try to read the review on Goodreads to decide if the book is worth reading, and start enjoying it if it is.

If you're starting to get comfortable with a particular genre (and that includes bestseller), get out of your comfort zone and start reading a different book. I put some classics into my to-read lists, because I know there must be a reason why those book are still relished after all these years.

If there is a movie or TV series based on a bestseller book, which one would you prefer? I do enjoy watching it (especially if it's an action or sci-fi) as it would help visualise the book and make me got into it better with all the sound effect, but I learned lately that the latter would give you so much more.

First and foremost, reading a book will give you perspective. It gives you a chance to really understand what's going on in the character's minds. It will be easier to walk in their shoes if we do know what they feel about something. And it will feel more personal and emotional, I think.

Reading can also give you more chance to imagine. The characters could be anyone you want to picture. The setting could even look more personal. You choose. It's your own adventure.

Besides, I think reading is better for your brain. It will help you develop a good sense of language and give you exposures of new, fancy vocabularies. Most friends I know who reads has a more unique way to put up sentences. It's also good to improve our memory and concentration, I reckon, as those are essential to keep up with the story.

So if you loved reading growing up, but got so busy or lazy due to the technology, gave it another chance. Go to a bookstore or get yourself an e-reader, and start over. It has been a great experience for me so far and now I can't wait to tick every book that's on my to-read list.

Too much to read! (Source)

And be easy on yourself. You don't have to like a book that everybody else does. You don't have a to read a book that sounds smart. Well, in a book store at York, I saw a sign that said, "Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it", so at least find a book that won't make you look terribly embarrassing. Just start with something you are fascinated about, then explore new things.

Happy reading!

Sekolah Dasar di Inggris

Sejak dua bulan yang lalu, setiap hari Selasa saya jadi volunteer di salah satu sekolah dasar di York untuk ngajar matematika di kelas dua (usianya setara dengan kelas satu di Indonesia). Meskipun hanya seminggu sekali, saya seneng banget karena bisa dapet kesempatan untuk mengobservasi langsung sistem pendidikan dasar di UK.

Secara garis besar, sekolah tersebut mirip dengan dua sekolah nasional plus di Jakarta yang dulu pernah jadi tempat saya magang dan mengajar. Tata ruangannya mirip (ada karpet besar di depan papan tulis untuk kegiatan mengajar, dan ada kursi dan meja dalam bentuk berkelompok untuk tempat mengerjakan tugas), daftar pelajarannya serupa, cara belajarnya pun banyak samanya (sama-sama memaksimalkan penggunakan alat peraga visual, khususnya untuk pelajaran matematika).

Year 2 di Lord Deramore's Primary School

Ketika pertama kali masuk ke kelas Year 2, saya kaget karena anak-anaknya manis banget. Mereka juga sangat tertib; mereka bahkan baris sebelum masuk kelas setelah istirahat di lapangan sehingga nggak ada yang bertubrukan di koridor. Sebelumnya, saya sudah beberapa kali masuk ke kelas 1-2 di Indonesia, dan kesan yang saya tangkap beda banget. Menurut saya, wajar kalau ada beberapa anak yang sibuk sendiri atau malah asik main di kelas, apalagi kalau kelasnya cukup besar. Tapi di sekolah tempat saya magang ini, ke-28 anak yang ada di kelas anteng banget dengerin gurunya yang lagi ngajar. Gurunya pun santai, nggak perlu teriak, nggak pake marah-marah.

Di kelas, anak-anak ini cukup aktif dan kritis. Jika ada pertanyaan untuk kelas, guru kelas akan meminta anak-anak untuk mengangkat tangan jika mereka tahu jawabannya. Anak yang langsung menjawab sebelum ditunjuk akan diberikan teguran. Setelah satu anak menjawab, guru kelas biasanya bertanya lagi ke satu murid yang lain, "do you think that's correct?" Menurut saya, ini akan melatih anak untuk berani mengeluarkan opini dan menerima kritik, bukan jadi orang yang ikut-ikutan dan asal setuju dengan jawaban orang lain.

Di awal kelas, jika di hari sebelumnya ada tugas yang harus diselesaikan, guru akan memanggil nama beberapa anak dan meminta mereka untuk berdiri. "You all did very well, but I'm really impressed with these students, because they all showed great improvement on their writing." Yang dipuji bukan hanya kemampuannya, tapi usaha dan perkembangannya. Memuji di depan kelas juga menurut saya akan berdampak positif untuk self-esteem anak-anak tersebut, selain sebagai reinforcement agar mereka terus meningkatkan kualitas dari tugas-tugas yang dikerjakan. 

Waktu itu, saya pernah papasan dengan kepala sekolah yang sedang menenangkan murid kelas 6 yang lagi panik sebelum try-out SATs. Dengan bijaknya, kepala sekolah tersebut bilang, "You don't have to worry about it. The test is important, but it won't be the end of the world. You have an amazing brain and you've worked really hard. Your parents are going to be proud of you no matter what. You'll be fine!" Saya langsung berkaca-kaca dengernya. She sounded genuine and kind, and I wish I had more teachers like that. Di sini, nilai bukanlah segala-galanya. Setiap anak punya kelebihan masing-masing yang terkadang nggak bisa tergambar oleh sederet angka.

Ada satu hal lagi yang bikin saya kagum: kepedulian sekolah dan orang tua terhadap asupan gizi para siswa. Di sini, setiap waktu istirahat, kebanyakan anak membawa buah atau sayur dari rumah. Sekolah juga menyediakan pisang, jeruk, tomat, apel, dan/atau wortel untuk para murid untuk istirahat siang, serta susu untuk istirahat pagi. Murid-murid dilarang membawa minuman manis dari rumah (termasuk jus kotak). Saya kagum banget karena anak-anak ini jadi terbiasa untuk mengonsumsi makanan sehat sejak dini. 

Saya tahu kalau saya nggak bisa menggeneralisasi hasil observasi saya di satu sekolah dan menarik kesimpulan kalau pendidikan di Inggris jauh lebih baik daripada di Indonesia. Namun, saya benar-benar kagum dengan sistem pendidikan di sini serta cara guru-guru mendidik murid-muridnya. Saya jadi paham kenapa teman-teman saya di kelas yang lahir dan besar di UK secara umum lebih kritis dan berani berpendapat daripada mahasiswa-mahasiswa asia (termasuk saya). Pendidikan dini, menurut saya, memang sekrusial itu untuk membentuk pola pikir dan cara kerja kita.

Oh, and have I mentioned that the students don't need to pay anything to get a top-notch education? That's actually the best part! Because a high-quality education should be a right for every child, not a privilege. 

To Be A Shade Lighter

As someone with a religious upbringing, living far away from home in a secular, free country is not that easy. Being surrounded by people with different worldviews is not, either. It is fine, because I then learned how to compromise and be tolerant, but somehow I'm tired of adjusting the discrepancy between what I believe and what the social norm tells me to do.

How far are you willing to conform just to fit in? Because lately it came to my realization that I have done things I am not proud of, just because everyone else does it anyway. Most people do that often, but my parents raised me to be better than ordinary.

For years, I have been trying to be grey in a black-and-white world. I know that white is ideal, but somehow I am also fascinated with black. So I adjust myself and become grey instead. But somehow, I'm trapped in between, just like in "the simultaneous contrast effect". I'm not black enough to be in the left group, nor white enough to be on the left. And somehow, I judged myself to be whiter whenever I'm with the black group because I'm still not fond of things they do, and I classify myself to be darker whenever I'm with the white group, just because know I don't deserve to be on a par with them - when in fact, I am the exact same shade of grey.

The Simultaneous Contrast Effect

Being grey has its own perks, though. It makes me free to jump and make friends from different worlds. I have a friend who once cried because she prayed late, and a friend who does not even believe in God. Diversity always enthralls me, so I used to think that being grey is the smartest move that I can possibly make. Until I realize that I feel so tired, so very tired, to be in the middle. I want to be content, not just joyful.

Maybe I need to drift away a little. Maybe I need to have more courage to resist the worldly temptations. Maybe I need to make my life more balanced. Maybe I need to surround myself more with those who can push myself to go through the straight path. Those who are more pious than me, or at least those who can support me to be a better version of myself. Because otherwise, I'm going to turn into a condescending person who does not want to learn and improve herself. Because otherwise, I'm going to turn into someone whom I don't aspire to be, whom I despise.

Being a devoted Muslim is never easy. And I'll be lying to myself if I say I'm a good one, when in fact, I'm not even close. I desperately want to be a better person, and I think I'm not determined enough to do that by myself.

You know where I'm going with this, Allah, so would You help me as usual?

Tentang Menutup Aurat

Saya pertama kali menggunakan jilbab ketika berusia sebelas hari. Iya, hari, bukan tahun. Ketika itu, jilbab anak belum jadi tren, sehingga hampir semua jilbab saya adalah hasil jahitan nenek dan ibu saya. Meskipun saya baru benar-benar menutup aurat ketika telah menstruasi (sebelumnya saya masih suka pakai celana selutut saat berenang atau lepas jilbab kalau merasa kegerahan), orang tua saya sudah membiasakan saya untuk berjilbab sejak kecil.

Jilbab pertama

Alhamdulillah, karena telah dilatih sejak kecil, aurat saya tidak pernah tersingkap (kecuali kaki dan tangan karena suka bandel). Tapi kadang-kadang saya iri sama teman-teman saya yang menemukan jalannya sendiri. Rasanya pasti beda dong ya. Saya juga pernah melewati masa-masa di mana saya iri sama teman-teman saya yang nggak berjilbab, meskipun nggak pernah sampai kepengen lepas jilbab. But in the end, saya tentu bersyukur karena lingkungan saya selalu mendukung saya untuk menutup aurat.

Jadi, kenapa sih harus pake jilbab?

Alasan utamanya ya karena wajib. Karena ada di surat An-Nuur (24) : 31. Saya bukan orang yang setuju kalau interpretasi terhadap Al-Quran merupakan hal yang bisa diubah seenaknya sesuai dengan perubahan zaman, jadi buat saya, jilbab tetap wajib. Titik. 

Kalaupun ternyata jibab nggak wajib (seperti argumentasi beberapa orang), manfaatnya tetep banyak kok. Salah satu manfaat dari berjilbab yang saya bener-bener rasain adalah menjaga diri saya dari tempat-tempat dan kegiatan-kegiatan yang negatif. Ah, kan saya pake jilbab, masak ngerokok (meskipun sempet ada di situasi di mana semua temen cewek di sekitar saya ngerokok dan rasanya penasaran banget buat iseng nyoba); ah, saya kan pake jilbab, masak nonton konser di night club (meskipun tempat itu memang sudah sering digunakan sebagai venue konser); ah, saya kan berjilbab, masak nggak ngeduluin shalat; dan ah, ah yang lainnya.

Selain itu, jilbab membuat saya merasa lebih tenang karena tubuh saya tertutup, jadi kemungkinan dipandang sama orang lain jadi lebih kecil. Iya sih memang, ada juga beberapa kasus di mana wanita yang berjilbab tetap menjadi korban pelecehan seksual. Tapi saya percaya bahwa pakaian dan perilaku yang provoking akan membuka celah dan godaan yang lebih besar. Di saat yang bersamaan, laki-laki tentu juga punya kewajiban untuk menundukkan pandangan dan menghormati wanita - tapi tidak ada salahnya kan, melakukan tindakan preventif?

Memakai jilbab bukanlah bentuk opresi dan bentuk rasa malu terhadap tubuh sendiri (sehingga membuka aurat menurut saya juga bukan cara untuk mengekspresikan diri atau menunjukkan kebebasan), tapi justru bentuk penghormatan terhadap diri kita. Bentuk penghargaan terhadap anggota-anggota tubuh yang tentu harus dijaga untuk seseorang yang istimewa, bukan untuk semua orang yang berpapasan dengan kita. Itu yang saya yakini. Someone would feel happier if they could touch, see, and do things other people couldn't, right?

Memakai jilbab dan menutupi bagian tubuh yang buat sebagian orang justru merupakan "aset", pada akhirnya membuat saya lebih percaya dengan kemampuan saya sendiri. Bukan tubuh saya yang jadi penilaian utama, but what's within.

Selain itu, jilbab adalah identitas utama sebagai seorang muslimah. Saya baru memahami makna ini ketika sedang pergi ke Hongkong, negara yang mayoritas penduduknya bukan muslim. Di sana, berpapasan dengan orang yang berjilbab (baik orang Indonesia maupun dari bangsa lain) rasanya seperti kembali ke rumah. Rasanya nyaman banget, dan indah karena pasti jadi saling bertukar salam dan senyum. Saya baru merasakan makna "saudara seiman" ketika sedang jadi minoritas. It felt that happy to meet your sisters when you're far from home.

Dan satu lagi: jilbab membantu kita mengurangi dosa ayah (atau suami) kita, karena seorang laki-laki memiliki kewajiban untuk memberi tahu istri dan anak-anaknya untuk menutup aurat, seperti yang tertulis dalam QS. Al-Ahzab (33) ayat 59. I would do anything to release my father from such a burden.

Tapi gerah!

Saya nggak akan bilang "enggak kok nggak gerah, kan hatinya jadi adem". Saya termasuk tipe "makhluk kutub" yang harus kena AC dan gets super-cranky kalau kegerahan. Ada kalanya saya sadar kok, dunia jadi jauuuhhh lebih adem dan dingin begitu saya lepas jilbab dan kardigan. Ada kalanya saya sirik sama temen-temen yang bisa pakai baju dengan bahan yang tipis ke kampus. Kalau saya mau pakai baju dengan bahan setipe, saya harus pakai kaos ketat di dalam. Makin gerah. Tapi gini, buat saya memakai jilbab itu adalah bentuk pengorbanan luar biasa dari seorang wanita. Yang namanya berkorban emang nggak akan gampang. Kadang gerah, keringetan, dan bahkan bikin rambut rontok dan ketombean. Tapi, yang namanya berkorban, balasan yang akan kita dapatkan di akhir juga akan setimpal. Versi kasar dan klisenyanya gini, segerah-gerahnya matahari Jakarta, gerahan mana coba sama matahari di neraka?

Tapi nanti jadi nggak cantik!

Komentar ini udah nggak relevan lagi kali yah di jaman sekarang, apalagi kalau tinggal di Indonesia, pusat muslim fashion dunia. Bahkan banyak orang yang justru baru jadi stylish setelah pakai jilbab. Saya bukan penganut Islam garis keras yang berkoar-koar bahwa jilbab "ala hijabers" itu haram. Yang saya yakini, berjilbab dengan warna dan motif yang lucu itu nggak dosa kok, asal tetap mengikuti kaidahnya (misalnya tetap menutup liuk tubuh dan nggak tembus pandang). Ini debatable banget tapi ya, jadi silahkan ikuti kata hati masing-masing. Mulai berjilbab dari jilbab yang pendek menurut saya juga nggak masalah, asal terus belajar dan dipanjangin dikit-dikit. Pilih aja style yang paling nyaman di awal, namanya juga lagi belajar. Saya malah seneng jilbab jadi tren, karena jadi banyak banget yang berani berjibab. Oh iya, nggak ada kewajiban untuk pakai jilbab lebar dan panjang sampai ke bokong kok - itu pure pilihan, silakan pakai seperti itu kalau merasa nyaman, tapi yang wajib ditutupi hanya sampai dada (asal pakaiannya juga nggak ketat ya). Just find a style that suits you best.

Tapi belum pantas!

Memakai jilbab itu bukan setelah shalat kita rajin dan perilaku kita sempurna. Memakai jilbab itu bukan setelah bisa ngaji dan sering puasa sunnah. Memakai jilbab itu kewajiban, sama seperti shalat. Sama juga seperti kewajiban untuk berbakti kepada orang tua dan memperlakukan orang lain dengan pantas. Sama-sama wajib. Kalau nunggu sempurna dulu ya nggak akan mulai, karena saya udah pakai jilbab hampir 21 tahun juga masih gini perilakunya (not something to brag about, I know). Menurut saya, berjilbab dan memperbaiki ibadah dan perilaku itu harus dilakukan sejalan, nggak ada yang lebih utama untuk dilakukan duluan. Berjilbab adalah salah satu bentuk penghambaan terhadap Allah dan salah satu cara untuk menjaga diri dalam pergaulan.

Satu lagi, buat saya jilbab juga merupakan cara saya bersyukur. Saya Sudah mendapatkan banyak sekali kenikmatan dan kemudahan di dunia - masak berkorban sedikit saja saya nggak mau?

Tapi belum siap!

Kalau gitu banyak-banyak berdoa sama Allah supaya lebih mantep hatinya, dan banyak-banyak ngobrol sama temen yang berjilbab. Insya Allah dibantuin sama Allah kok, asal niatnya baik.

Meskipun saya menulis ini, bukan berarti saya sudah sempurna dalam menutup aurat. Pergelangan tangan saya masih suka keliatan, kaos kaki masih suka nerawang, jilbabnya juga masih suka keangkat karena kekeuh ga mau pake jilbab-panjang-konvensional. Perilaku saya juga belum mencerminkan muslimah panutan - masih jauuuhhhh banget. Tapi saya memberanikan diri untuk menulis ini karena momennya sedang tepat, dan karena saya merasa memiliki kewajiban untuk menyampaikan walaupun hanya satu ayat. 

Kata ibu saya, kalau merasa tersinggung ketika mendengar ceramah itu berarti pertanda baik, karena berarti hatinya masih lembut. Kalau begitu, semoga teman-teman yang membaca tulisan ini jadi tersinggung, tapi nggak jadi kesel sama saya ya hehe. Semoga dibukakan hatinya untuk segera berjilbab, supaya saya juga jadi kecipratan pahalanya.

Yuk sama-sama memantaskan diri supaya jadi lebih baik :)