About The New Job and The Work-Life Balance

I know I'm not a company kind of girl, so it never crossed my mind that I might work 9-to-5 (or more like 8 to 7) every day. Yet I have been for a month, and I don't dislike it.

This is a new experience for me. Working directly under the minister (as his delivery unit team) requires me to work fast and well, without any excuse. And the more I read and know about the issue I handle, the more I become even more baffled about how to make the education system in Indonesia better, because everything is just so intricate. 

The perks overcome the drawbacks, though. I learn so much from working for the prominent minister for a month. I learn through the way he treats his subordinates, the way he sets examples, the way he talks with such rhetorics, and the way he thinks outside of the box to solve problems. My family is so annoyed now because now I can't stop talking about him. I'm aware that he's also flawed; I'm just thrilled to know that the future of education is on the hand of someone with high values and integrity. And that I got to be a (small) part of it.

It's not just the minister that is delightful to work with. I have a great team consists of smart, ambitious people who are also passionate about education (or at least, about making Indonesia a better country). I love working with people whom I can learn in abundance from. Our background is so diverse, every discussion becomes fascinating. Through them, I learn a lot about policy making and beyond. I also learn that I need to be more assertive and decisive, especially when dealing with powerful people. And more importantly, that I need to always keep in mind that I cannot please everyone, and I shouldn't even try to.

Some of the people I work with.

The toughest part about this job is actually not the job itself, but the fact that I have to commute every day. The train is always so full of people, I can't even stand on both feet sometimes. Being stuck on a train and in a traffic jam on a daily basis make me a bit grumpy and both physically and mentally exhausted. But hey, if thousands of people can survive it, why can't I?

Despite the fact that I do enjoy working, this is not something that I want to do for the rest of my life. I enjoy working too much, I'm afraid I can't stop and balance my life. A doctor that I visited (yes, I went to the doctor for the first time in three years; within my first month of working) was shocked knowing that I had to go to the office on the day I visited her and on the weekend. That moment, I realized that I have been quite a workaholic - and that's not good if I want to have a balanced, content life.

I do love working at a company and I love myself when I work hard for a cause I care about, but I believe I can do that as a freelancer (in this case, as a psychologist) when I have a family of my own. Because prioritize is not about choosing something I like over something I don't; it's about choosing which one of the things I enjoy doing is more relevant to my aspiration. I admire working moms, though, especially if they have to do it to support the family. It's not easy to juggle between work and family, even as a sister and a daughter, let alone a wife and a mother. So, yeah, hats off to those supermoms who can find the work-family balance!

Still a few more months to go. I hope I have enough strength to survive, if not to thrive.

Don't forget to make time for yourself.

The Thing About Life

Funny thing about life: you thought you knew everything about something, but as you learn a little more, you realize that you don't.

You thought you knew exactly what you're going to do, but as you explore a little more, you realize that you don't.

You thought you knew what you want, but as you grow up a little more, you realize that that you don't.

You thought you're so good at something, but as you meet a few more people, you realize that you're not. Not that good.

Because we are not perfect. Because we can't be good at everything. We cannot please everyone. And we don't have to conform and be like everyone else. And that's okay.

Because life can't be all about making a long list and putting a tick in each box. It can't be about drawing a map and hitting the gas to reach the destination. Life is not a race, although some people sure make it look like it is.

Because life, from what I see, is all about the uncertainties. It's all about the surprises. It's all about learning new things and expanding the horizon. It's about the journey, indeed.

And therefore, it is okay to doubt yourself sometimes. It is okay to ponder. It is okay to stumble.

(Source)

It is okay, as long as you still acknowledge and appreciate all the good things about yourself afterwards. As long as you know that your presence matters. As long as you learn and keep going.

Because that, is how you grow.

The Significant People

If I have to be thankful for just one thing in my life, I'd pick the people in a heartbeat. Yes, there are other things that make me feel utterly blessed, but nothing compares to the people in my life.

For starters, I have a wonderful family. A warm, loving, pious family. I couldn't leave the "pious" part because I think it's one of the reasons why our family becomes like we are. Religion is one of the things that glues us together, although sometimes it could also be one of the things that keep us apart (only for a few seconds, though). Religion is one of the reasons why my parents found and love each other (a preacher once told me that loving a person we marry is more important than marrying a person we love, and I couldn't agree more). It's the reason why they have been trying their best to raise their children well. And I really think they have been doing a great job.

So when I think about it, a loving family is not something that's given. Having a great family requires great work and compromise. It requires the parents to listen to their children's opinion, no matter how theoretical it sounds (especially when the oldest child is studying psychology). It requires the children to believe that the parents love them and have their best interests at heart, so the children will listen to everything they said, no matter how discrepant it is from their friends' parents' rules. 

I'm also blessed with my friends. I don't have an abundance of that, but I have my persons. I have people who could always lift me up when I'm not feeling so great about myself. People I could always trust and rely on. People I could always be myself with. People who have been helping me to grow - to be wiser and more mature. People I could spend hours and hours just to talk to. Some I met in the UK, but most of my significant friends are those I met in college. 

For now, it's enough. They are more than enough, and I wouldn't trade them for the world. They might not be enough for a few more years, but I have to keep believing that there's someone out there who can make my surrounding feels more complete. To make it feel even more perfect. 

And hopefully, all the people in my worldly life would also be my people in Jannah. That would be the ultimate contentment.

Update:
I watched a TED Talk about a study conducted for 75 years, which shows that a good quality of relationship is what makes people happiest and live longer. I guess I'm on the right track, then!

What's Yet To Come

It's frightening to realize how fast time passes. Especially when you realize how good your life is at the moment and how scary the future might be.

I learned and did a lot of new things in 2015. I befriended various kinds of people. I travelled a lot more than I have my entire life (I flew 20 times in 5 months!). I even surpassed my reading goal and have started journaling again. This year, I feel challenged and blessed. I feel like I have grown up a little. I feel overjoyed, despite still having all the insecurities.

This year, I learned that when I stop worrying, eventually Allah is going to open a door. He's going to lead me through a path I didn't even know existed. He keeps reminding me that worrying will not do any good. Just trust Him, and I'll always be fine.

I also learned this year that leaving a comfort zone is a necessity, no matter how hard. Of course doing something we know we're good at and being surrounded by kind people who are all familiar are tempting, but trust me, the world out there has even more to offer. 

(Source: Why-ed.com)

Although this is undoubtedly the best year of my life, it's not all immaculate. I also learned to let go this year; to accept that what I think I want might not be the same with what I need. I learned that being grateful that something beautiful has happened will make me a lot happier than regretting it, as cliché as it sounds. Knowing that Allah is the best planner, I also learned to not feel excessively sad about all the things and all the people I have lost. I have been told that there's no such thing as unfortunate events if we're patient enough to see the silver linings. There's always something to learn, something to improve, something that eventually will make us stronger.

A lot of things happened this year. I stumbled and ran. I wept and laughed. I said goodbyes and hellos. I found and lost.

This year, I learned that sometimes distance makes the heart grow fonder, and sometimes it's not. I learned that doing meaningful things are what drives me, and the money will just follow effortlessly.

I know I'm ready for a new year. I'm ready to be surprised. I'm ready to figure out why Allah said "no" or "not now." Because I have to keep believing that something beautiful is yet to come.