Monday, October 12, 2015

To (Not) Compare

I struggled with my self-efficacy during my time in the UK. I questioned myself a lot, and I compared myself with plenty of my vocal, ambitious, native-speaker classmates; and found that I was not even close with them. 

Then I got home, and I saw a lot of people see myself in such a different perspective. That I am, according to them, bright and ambitious. "I am not that bright, trust me," I told them. "I would have performed better if I were. I am just a speck of dust compared to my classmates, and I know I could have done better if I tried harder." 

A few days ago, I need to go somewhere during rush hour, and I chose to take the train (because I'd rather be jammed on a train than got caught in a traffic jam). I know taking a train during peak hours in Jakarta is not a very pleasant thing to do, but it taught me something. I suddenly felt grateful because I realised that I am possibly more privileged, lucky, and educated than 90% people I met on the overcrowded train. I have a choice to take a cab or anything else if I want to, a choice that a lot of people don't have. I don't even need to commute every day - and as I find the commuting experience exhausting and bad for subjective well-being, I am utterly grateful. 

And I knew right away that it's unfair to me to always compare myself with people who are above me. It's unfair if I always compare myself with people I aspire to be. Sure, it's going to make me feel like I need to improve myself - and that's a good thing - but sometimes I really need to look back (and down) in order to remind myself to be grateful and proud of what I have done and become. Even my neck would get hurt if I looked up perpetually.

Said Theodore Rosevelt (source)


Apparently, I need to constantly remind myself to be grateful and to slow down a little bit. I have been running my whole life, and now it's okay if I want to walk a little. I decided to keep running until now (as Allah still supports me to), but I need to know that I really don't have to. I will never be satisfied if I always ask myself "what's next?".

Apparently, I need to remind myself again that every person in their twenties has problems and insecurities, and it is, in fact, the new normal. Adult life won't be easy, and this is just the beginning. 


Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Menjadi Muslim di Eropa

Saya baru saja kembali ke tanah air setelah satu tahun menempuh magister di UK dan keliling Eropa selama dua minggu. Karena sudah lama nggak telfonan asik dengan keluarga, selama beberapa hari terakhir saya terus bercerita tentang pengalaman hidup di Eropa. Salah satu hal yang menarik untuk diceritakan adalah pengalaman saya sebagai Muslim di Eropa. Saya baru ngeh kalau ada banyak banget yang seru untuk diceritain, dan orang tua saya bilang, yang perlu juga diceritain dalam bentuk tulisan.

Secara umum, alhamdulillah saya nggak pernah ngalamin diskriminasi karena nunjukin identitas agama saya, baik di Inggris maupun di negara lain di Eropa. Ketika tiba di Inggris, saya bahkan bener-bener kaget karena nemuin banyak banget wanita berhijab di jalan - dari yang berturban sampai bercadar. Senengnya lagi, setiap papasan kami pasti bertukar senyum dan salam. 'Assalamu'alaikum' sampai terasa seperti sandi rahasia antar umat muslim. Teman saya sampai pernah bertanya, "Do you know that person?" "No," saya bilang. "But in Islam, we're all sisters. And we have a special way to greet each other". A beautiful way, indeed.

Meskipun selalu mendapatkan perlakuan yang baik selama di Eropa, kadang-kadang saya merasa ada banyak mata yang memperhatikan, terutama di beberapa kota yang jumlah muslimnya nggak banyak (misalnya ketika di Madrid). Tapi saya merasa tatapan itu cuma sekedar bentuk curiosity - and there's nothing wrong about it. Kalau kebetulan berpapasan dengan seseorang yang kelihatan sedang memperhatikan saya, biasanya saya senyumin aja orangnya. Chances are, they will do nothing but to smile back. Namun, karena sering merasa diperhatikan, saya kadang merasa mendapatkan tekanan untuk selalu berperilaku baik karena sedang membawa identitas agama saya. Kalau saya buang sampah sembarangan atau datang terlambat, misalnya, saya merasa bahwa yang dinilai negatif oleh orang lain bukan hanya perilaku saya sebagai seorang individu, tapi juga sebagai seorang muslim.

Selain dengan memberikan perhatian lebih, teman-teman saya biasanya menunjukkan rasa ingin tahunya dengan bertanya langsung. Ketika bulan Ramadhan misalnya, teman saya bertanya, gimana caranya saya survive tanpa makan dan minum selama dua puluh jam. Ada juga yang pertanyaannya lebih serius: kenapa puasa dilakukan di bulan Ramadhan, kenapa ada Muslim yang pakai jilbab dan yang nggak pakai jibab, atau kenapa saya nggak boleh makan babi. 

Karena komunitas Muslim cukup banyak di Eropa (khususnya di Inggris), mendapatkan makanan halal juga bukan hal yang sulit. Toko yang menjual kebab atau ayam goreng halal dengan harga murah pasti ada (setidaknya di setiap kota yang pernah saya datangi). Saya biasanya mengecek makanan halal melalui situs Zabihah, meskipun infonya kadang kurang lengkap. Kalaupun tidak menemukan restoran halal, bosan dengan pilihan makanan yang ada, atau harus pergi ke sebuah restoran karena diundang oleh teman, saya biasanya memilih menu vegetarian atau seafood. Peraturan di Inggris mengharuskan restoran untuk memberikan informasi mengenai bahan makanan dan allergen, sehingga biasanya di menu akan dicantumkan kalau makanannya menggunakan alkohol (atau bahan makanan lain yang tidak halal). Supaya lebih tenang lagi, tinggal tanya ke pelayannya, apakah makanan yang kita pesan mengandung bahan-bahan tersebut.

Mencari tempat ibadah juga bukan perkara sulit. Hampir semua kota besar di Eropa memiliki masjid, meskipun ada masjid yang ternyata hanya dibuka untuk laki-laki pada hari biasa (saya dan teman saya pernah masuk ke masjid khusus laki-laki dan malunya luar biasa). Pastikan lokasi pintu masuk untuk perempuan juga ya, karena ada beberapa masjid yang memisahkan gedung atau ruangan shalat laki-laki dan perempuan (saya juga pernah salah masuk dan malu banget rasanya). Jika tidak ada masjid di pusat kota, saya pernah shalat di kereta atau di restoran (untungnya saya berhijab, jadi nggak usah pakai mukena lagi) - karena saya masih merasa risih untuk shalat di taman atau tempat umum lainnya. Nggak enak aja rasanya kalau dilihat banyak orang, meskipun mereka juga nggak akan banyak berkomentar. But of course, it could also be an option.

Grande Moschea di Roma, salah satu masjid terbesar di luar negara Islam.

Salah satu kenalan saya di Inggris pernah bertanya, bagaimana cara saya beradaptasi dengan budaya di Inggris yang mungkin sangat berbeda dengan di negara Muslim. "It must be hard for you to adjust," katanya. Tidak juga sih, karena selama ini saya tetap berusaha untuk tetap open-minded meskipun tetap berusaha untuk menjaga diri saya. Tercampur tapi tidak terkontaminasi, kalau kata ibu saya.

Saya, misalnya, tetap mau untuk ikut ke pub jika masih siang atau setidaknya masih jam makan malam. Di Inggris, Pub bukan hanya tempat minum, tapi juga tempat makan dan ngobrol (karena kebanyakan cafe sudah tutup jam 8 malam). Saya biasanya memesan fish n' chips atau scampi (sejenis udang goreng tepung) dan minum air putih, sementara teman-teman saya memesan minuman beralkohol. Tapi, jika diajak ke pub setelah makan malam (karena teman-teman saya masih ingin minum-minum), biasanya saya izin untuk pulang duluan, karena hati saya rasanya nggak tenang untuk ikutan pergi meskipun saya juga nggak "ngapa-ngapain". Meskipun kesempatan saya untuk bersosialisasi jadi sedikit berkurang, saya tetap merasa nyaman dengan keputusan saya, karena toh semua teman saya menghargai keputusan saya untuk menghindari beberapa tempat, makanan, dan minuman. Nggak ada yang pernah memaksa saya untuk melakukan sesuatu yang bertentangan dengan nilai dan kepercayaan yang saya anut.

Bersama beberapa teman sekelas

Singkatnya, tidak perlu khawatir untuk pergi atau menetap di negara yang mayoritas penduduknya bukan Muslim. Tentu ada banyak hal yang perlu disesuaikan dan dikompromikan, tapi saya percaya kalau pengalaman hidup sebagai minoritas merupakan pengalaman yang sangat berharga karena setidaknya bisa membuat saya lebih menghargai perbedaan. Saya juga jadi memiliki kesempatan untuk mengubah persepsi orang-orang tentang Islam, seperti kata seorang teman saya yang warga Inggris, "It's not only beneficial for you. It's also great for us - so that we can learn more about other culture and beliefs."


Monday, September 28, 2015

A Glimpse of Europe

It has been an indelible 2 weeks. With one my closest friends in the UK, I went to see some parts of Europe which 20-year-old Ayas wouldn't even have dreamt of seeing. For 15 days, I was surrounded by people who talk in different languages.

For me, the vacation starts when I make the itinerary - when I plan what to do, where to go, where to stay, et cetera. We planned and booked everything ourselves: the hotel or Airbnb; the plane, bus, or train tickets to go from one city or country to another; the bus from the airport; and the attractions to visit. Planning a budget vacation was not easy, yet I love all the challenge and the satisfaction of knowing that we could do so much within our budget. I prefer planning my own vacation than joining a tour, because the "exploring" part is one of the most exciting one.

I knew from beginning that I'm not the kind of person who would enjoy travelling for 2 weeks straight, but we did it anyway because we have no time (nor money) to visit only one or two countries for a week a couple of times. We knew from the beginning that it would be exhaustive, yet we still managed to relish it until the end.


Colloseo, Roma


Duomo di Firenze


Europe was awesome. Brussel's grand place was incredibly pretty with all the golden details. Brugge's markt was filled with unique buildings that look like Lego houses. Madrid was interesting because I saw a lot of people reading on the metro (even more than in UK), yet found only a few people who can speak English. Toledo was extremely hot and tiring to explore on foot, yet also charming with all the medieval architecture. Barcelona was astonishing with all the Gaudi's masterpieces. Rome was surprisingly a little messy but beautifully embellished with all the roman ruins. Florence has a Duomo which looks like something you see on movies. Milan was nice for a little break and a little shopping. Paris looks a bit like London in some way, but has a special charm and ambience which I enjoy very much. Budapest was amazingly stunning at night, and even better (for me) at day. Lastly, Prague was charming and serene. There are still a lot of places to visit, obviously, but for now, this is more than enough. Enough to end my Journey in Europe before going back to Indonesia for good.



Gorgeous Budapest



The gigantic Eiffel Tower in Paris


The whole traveling experience was exhilarating, although wearing. It makes me want to explore other places around the world, broaden my perspective, and makes me discover a lot of novel things about myself. A year ago, I would not mention traveling as something that I love doing, but now I think of it as a necessity - something that I must do once in a while to keep myself sane and content.

Until next trip!


Tuesday, September 8, 2015

The Stages of Studying Abroad

Almost a year ago, a lecturer of mine sat down with international MSc students in the psychology department. She was also an international student once, so the purpose of the get-together is to prepare the international freshers to study in the UK, as we needed to adjust in order to thrive - or at least, survive.

I still remember that my lecturer showed us a graph explaining the stages of studying abroad. The adjustment, the excitement, the struggle, the astonishment, the loneliness, the acceptance, and finally, the re-adjustment when returning home.

Another graph which pretty much explains the same thing (Source)

I also remember her saying, "There were times when I cried alone at night, wondering why I did this in the first place. That might happen to you, as well." And it did, a few times. When I felt so frustrated about my assignment, when I felt immensely stupid for not being able to write an excellent paper, when I realised that my English is far from good, when I saw my family went on a vacation together, when I miss my close friends, and when I just felt like crying with no particular reason. It's been a roller-coaster ride, indeed. A hell of a ride.

Nevertheless, now I'm feeling a little emotional to go back home. I'm finally in a state of acceptance. I actually enjoy having a space from everyone (yet still be in touch with them) and being more independent, and I'm a bit nervous to know that I need to readjust my position once more. When you're away from people you love, it's more likely that you forget all the bad memories about them and start missing all the good ones instead - and somehow I find it good for the relationship. In some cases, distance does make the heart grow fonder.

But there's always an end to something, even the good ones. I'm leaving for good in just a few days to re-face the reality (as this whole year still feels surreal to me), and I don't know if I'm ready.

Well then, thank you for the indelible experience, York. You will sure be tremendously missed.

"It is so hard to leave—until you leave. And then it is the easiest goddamned thing in the world." 
- John Green, Paper Town

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