When?

When you are in your twenties and have graduated university, everyone around you suddenly talks about marriage and stuffs. Everybody starts asking the "when" questions, repeatedly. Everywhere.

It's not that I'm not interested with the topic. I am. Everyone in my circle probably know that I'm into young marriage. It's just.... Weird to have that conversation when you're in the phase when you feel lost and are not sure about your next move. It's a little weird and uncomfortable to always get questions that you can only answer with a smile or laugh upon your face, isn't it?

"Are you ready?" is even worse. Because it is a real question, unlike the "when?". I've received this question twice this week, both from people who are willing to take the next step if answer it with a yes. Two woman who got worried with my plan to get a master's degree abroad, while I'm still single.

And... I don't know. I thought it would be perfect to get married right after college, but somehow I don't want to get married with still having an "unfinished business". Who knows what will happen next? Who knows if I no longer have time to pursue my dream because I'm going to prioritize something else? 

On the ther hand, delaying marriage could make it even harder for me to meet the right guy. It's sad, but true. I'm a girl. I live in a conservative country, and I'm a girl.

And it's really hard to answer these kind of questions and to make a plan when everything is so blurry and, well, blank and empty.

I am twenty. I'm at the beginning of the "mate-selection" and "settling down" phase. I'm also in a point where I get enthusiastic to build a career and to pursue my dreams and education. Twenty-something is the age when we are gullible enough to think that we can rule the world and be anything that we want. 

I just want to be happy in whatever path I choose to go through first. And I still want to excell in both. Realistic or not, I guess it depends on how far will I go to make it true.

"Are you ready?"

"How can I be ready to start a family and to take care of someone else, when I'm still not finished with myself?"

To Be Twenty

I never take birthdays as a big deal. So does my family. My parents told me and my siblings that birthdays are only reminders that we are getting older, and that we get less days to live. We got presents, kisses, and birthday wishes, but never a cake with candles to blow - let alone a party.

However, this year, although I didn't celebrate it, I felt relieved and thankful for finally being twenty. For finally leaving the teen age.

I've been acting like I'm in my twenties since one or two years ago, because that's just required for me to "survive". So really, age is actually just a number for me. But to not get the "how come you're still nineteen" anymore is absolutely a big deal for me. Despite of all the challenges, I always want to be an adult, and be seen as one.

Welcome to the beginning of your young adulthood, Ayas. Just fasten your seat belt, drive with the proper pace, and enjoy the ride. Don't forget to look at the signs from The Guide and aware of the traffic lights. There might be a lot of fascinating destinations that intrigues you along the way, and there might be plenty of things that you want to do. Just make sure you know which one to pick. Do not be lost, over and over again.

Things will definetely get rougher. Just be sure that you are way tougher.