Thursday, October 2, 2014

To Subdue, To Bear, To Overcome

I have to complete a pretest before my statistics class even started. The test consists of 50 statistical questions, including some which I haven't learned at my previous university. It's hard. So hard that I have to skim through 4 books that I used during my undergraduate degree. So hard that I have to spend more than 8 hours studying, trying to refresh my memory that apparently remembers nothing about statistics. So hard that I'm starting to question my capability to pursue another degree. So hard that I almost cry, because I realize that this is only the beginning.

That it will be this arduous, or even worse, for the next one year. That it is not supposed to be easy. That I'm not getting scholarship fund every month to stay at home and do whatever it is that I want to do. No. LPDP paid more than 40 thousand pounds for me to work my ass off, to subdue whatever it is that challenges me, to finish this course, and to finally do something for children in my country.

Ready or not, this is a challenge that I know I will face before I even decided to do this. The fact that most of my classmates will be from UK and EU makes it harder, but it's not a reason for me to keep complaining.

My life here will be tough, obviously, but Allah will not burden me with something beyond my capacity. My life wasn't always easy either, but I made it. I have made it this far. And so I can make it, and I will make it.

(taken from tumblr)

Nevertheless, it's exciting to be here and I really, really, really love the City, the university, and the study environment. I'm delighted about the courses as well. I am utterly grateful, and therefore I know that I have to exert myself to be more determined and to be able to keep up with my classes.

Because it will be worth it in the end.


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