Sunday, January 5, 2014
My mom said that I'm always more mature than my chronological age. That's obviously not a bad thing, but it also means that I think a lot about things that should not bugging me in this age. I think too much about attaining my goals and about ways to tick my check-lists.
"You should not think about those things too much. You're still so young!" is probably one of the most common thing that people told me, whenever I start babbling about my apprehensions about tomorrow. A lot of people has told me about enjoying my "now" and have fun more. But I guess it's just part of who I am.
I'm occupied with dreams that I have. I'm enjoying my present, but I have doubts about my future, especially about those that are beyond my control - some dreams that seem unattainable. I'm the kind of person who makes herself ready for the worst-case-scenarios by imagining the worst thing that could happen, and even the idea of it scares me.
I usually have faith, but for some goals I don't know how to attain... I don't know. Will it makes me gullible to believe in something that seems irrational? Is it possible that Allah will grant my prayers and give me the best if I'm still far from good? And don't have what it takes to change?
On the other hand, I do believe that with His permission, anything could happen. Anything. I just have to wait patiently, and keep praying. Yet I might still feel insecure until I finally see the light.