Thursday, March 7, 2013

About The Little Ambition

As I wrote before, being a special education teacher has taught me a lot, because I have to apply those theory I've studied for the past 3,5 years in real live. I've learned how to treat children with autistic spectrum disorder, how to be patient while working with children, how to discipline children and be consistent with every rule we've made, how to give the balanced amount of love and discipline, how to explain things based on the kid's cognitive level, and other how-tos.

I also enjoy observing the kids. My latest interest is asking the kids to draw a person, family, or house-tree-person. Yes, those are some of the drawing that are used as psychological tests, that, believe it or not, can actually determine someone's personality. I obviously can't make a proper interpretation yet, but I took a picture of their drawings and save it, so I might study about it later, after I become a psychologist and therefore able and am allowed to interpret it.

I also learned how family structure and involvement could really, really affect kids' development. The facility that the parents give is important, but not as important as the parents' willingness to help their kids and to always be there for them. I already knew it, but now I know that it matters that much - especially with the kids that have special needs who always need to be helped by adults. So here's my note for the future-me: always put your kids first - no matter what.

I know that being a teacher doesn't sound so fancy, and I know some people think that an-UI-graduate is way too good to be one, but I'm grateful to chose the job. Being a teacher means helping some kids be a better person. It also one of the job that can help me reach heaven, because my religion taught me that the beneficial knowledge that a person left in the world will still be counted as a good deed even if that person has passed away. And I know I know that the experience will give me a lot life lessons that I will need: how to be a good psychologist, how to be a good wife, how to be a good mother, and how to be a better person

I would gladly do this every day, but here's the thing: it might not be enough for me, because I have an ambition too, to be a child psychologist in 2015. I've made that plan since I was still a freshman. And here's the thing: I might be messy and unorganized, but when it comes to decide and do things, I always stick to my plan, and work my tail off to get what I planned to.

So yes, making a decision whether to try to stay for one more year or to stick to my plan is a one hell of a decision to make. I know that if I extend this for a year, I will get more new things to find and learn, but I don't know if I'm ready to do that. I'm not sure if I'm ready to postpone the dream, and to change the plan I've made. I won't be changing the dream, actually, but only putting a pause in the middle of it. But still, I'm not ready to do that.

I have no idea what to choose, and what would it affect me in the future. I love this job, but I hate not to complete my plan on time, that's all I know for now.


During my job interview, my boss, knowing that I'm still 19 and have finished my study faster than the normal period, asked me, "are you a high-achiever?"

I took a long pause, because I actually have no idea. And then I replied, though doubtfully, "I don't think so."

But right now, I guess that I am. If the idea of postponing a dream for just another year scared me this much, maybe I am. I always know that I'm a driven person, but I just realized that maybe I'm just a little too ambitious. I don't know if that's good or bad, though. But I sure know how to get past this: to find as many good things as I could that I would get if I chose to make a little change in the plan. 

Three years ago, God slapped me in the face and didn't let me to get what I want for the first time in my life. I was so sad and frustrated, realizing that it was unfair and that I deserved to get it, but then I try to get up and do something: I try to choose another path. Today, if I think about that moment in my life, I can say that I'm so grateful that He did that, because I know exactly what I'd miss if I stick to my old plan. I finally found out that the way I was walking through is better than the way that I once wanted to walk through. It also taught me to be resilient and to always look for the silver lining.

So please, yaa Rasyid, The Guide, please guide me to the right path. Please do show me which way is better for me and prove it to be a better one.

After all, You know me better than I know myself.
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