Sunday, April 27, 2014

Lost and Found

From "The Defining Decade" by Meg Jay, PhD

Two girls are sitting at a coffee shop on Saturday night, talking about life. 

"Why don't you tell me more about our friends in college? It feels good to hear that I'm not the only person who is lost." 
"I think being lost in our age is a common thing that happens. I think everyone in our age is pretty much lost..."
"Yea..."
"I think it would be easier to count those who are not lost."
"How about A? She's very happy with her job. She works hard, but play pretty hard most nights. She has never drunk before, but now she drinks often. She loves having a new lifestyle."
"Wouldn't that make her lost too? One day, she might wake up and realize that she has chosen the wrong part, won't she?"
"Or not. I think it's possible that she will enjoy and have this kind of lifestyle for the rest of her life. She's happy anyway."
"From my perspective, I frankly think that she is really lost. Even more lost than you. But maybe she doesn't feel that way. Maybe she feels like she's on the right track.... Let's find another example. Perhaps a friend that seems happy and is on the right track?"
"What about B? He didn't like his job at first, but he tried his best to find a good thing about it, and he did. He finally found the silver lining and finally looks very excited about his job, even though last year we never thought that he would survive."
 "Yes, he's a good example. He finally does something he loves and, at the same time, earns a lot of money."
"How about C? Do you think he's also lost?"
"I don't think so. It's apparent that he loves his job because it pays really well and looks prestigious. And, from what we heard, he performs really well."
"But the job is....."
"It's from our perspective. He really thinks that he is really doing fine."
"Right."

After traveling to dozens of countries, Eric Wiener (the author whose book I discussed before) concluded that there is more than one path to happiness. All miserable countries (or people) are alike, yet the happy ones are happy in their own ways.

Whether you feel happy or not solely depends on how you see it. Is it congruent with your value? Is it something that you really want? Does it pay the bills? Do you feel acknowledged?



From "The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People" By David Niven, PhD

At the end, one of the girl said,
"Thank God I feel lost when I'm 22. I hope everything will turn out fine when I'm 26. Being lost in your 26 seems terrifying."

Everything will turns out more than fine. There will be a bright future for those girls. They at least deserve that. With Allah's will and permission, everything is going to be good.


Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Tentang Seleksi Wawancara & LGD LPDP

As I said before, I was not at my best when I did the scholarship interview. But an email somehow appeared on my inbox today, telling me that I have passed the interview & LGD test. It's evidently beyond my expectation. Allah is too kind. I still have to pass the leadership program, but it's now plenty of steps closer to one of my dream.

I promised myself to write something on this blog if I got accepted. I know a lot of people, including me, spend hours, googling about "tips sukses beasiswa LPDP" or "tips wawancara LPDP". I found a lot of blogs based on that keywords, and I promised myself to write one, just to share my experience. And to help others, of course.
________________________________________________

Tes Wawancara LPDP

Seperti yang sudah saya ketahui sebelumnya,  wawancara dilakukan oleh dua orang doktor dan satu orang psikolog. Setelah browsing sana-sini, entah kenapa saya membayangkan berada di satu ruangan besar yang hanya diisi oleh saya dan ketiga interviewer. Ternyata, di dalam satu ruangan besar, ada lebih dari 5 kelompok wawancara. Jadi tenang aja, suasananya nggak terlalu mencekam, kok. 

Saya berulang kali cerita kalo saya nggak lagi di dalam kondisi optimal untuk diwawancara karena saya bener-bener baru balik dari airport. I have just gone through a 5-hour flight, I only slept 2 hours since the earlier night, and I didn't even have proper clothes to wear, because, who would have brought her formal attire during vacation? Tapi ya sudahlah. Saya menunggu manis dengan para kandidat lain, sampai akhirnya dipanggil. Oh iya, saya mendapatkan giliran terakhir untuk hari itu. Saya baru dipanggil masuk 10 menit sebelum adzan maghrib.

"Okay, Farraas, please introduce yourself to us" adalah kata yang pertama kali keluar dari mulut pewawancara pertama. Saya tentu kaget karena sepanjang menunggu giliran, tidak ada yang pernah cerita ke saya kalau wawancaranya akan dilakukan dalam Bahasa Inggris. Paling campur-campur, atau ada sedikit yang menggunakan Bahasa Inggris. Tapi ternyata wawancara saya berlangsung sepenuhnya dalam Bahasa Inggris. Agak nggak adil sih, ya, sebenernya, karena saya takut ada hal-hal yang jadi kurang tergali karena komunikasi dilakukan bukan dengan bahasa ibu. Tapi mungkin kalau saya bisa menjawab dengan baik, justru penggunaan Bahasa Inggris bisa menjadi poin plus. Kalau begitu jadinya adil, ya?

Wawancara berlangsung selama sekitar 15 menit. Suasananya santai, sehingga saya pun berusaha menjawab dengan ringan dan santai. Saya diberikan pertanyaan seputar rencana studi (mengapa mengambil Development, Disorder and Clinical Practice, mengapa di University of York, mengapa harus di luar negeri, apa rencana setelah ini, apa tujuan jangka panjang saya); rencana hidup di York (apa tantangannya, bagaimana cara mengatasinya, apakah yakin bisa menggunakan jilbab dengan aman dan nyaman di sana, bagaimana kalau kangen rumah); dan beberapa pertanyaan yang cukup random (pernah ke luar negeri nggak - yang berujung pada diskusi singkat soal TKW Hongkong karena saya bener-bener baru kembali dari sana). Singkatnya, wawancara saya berlangsung dengan cukup lancar dan menyenangkan.

Tapi, begitu sampai di rumah, saya menyadari beberapa kesalahan yang saya lakukan, atau beberapa hal yang sebenarnya bisa saya jelaskan dengan lebih baik.

  1. Saya sempat menyebutkan bahwa angka individu autistik di Indonesia semakin bertambah. Ketika ditanya berapa angka pertumbuhannya, saya bilang tidak tahu pastinya. Harusnya, saya menyebutkan angka penderita di Amerika (yang memang lebih up-to-date datanya dan saya ketahui). Saya harusnya bahkan mempersiapkan data-data mengenai prevalensi penderita autistik di Indonesia, untuk memastikan bahwa saya benar-benar telah mempersiapkan wawancara dengan baik. But, to be frank, saya memang nggak siap. Lah orang baru tau 3 hari sebelum wawancara dan kebetulan jadwal wawancaranya satu hari dengan hari kepulangan. Yang ini jangan ditiru, ya. 
  2. Saya harusnya bisa memberikan argumentasi yang lebih baik ketika ditanya "why don't you take the graduate program at UI? Don't they have a similar program with the one you choose?". Well I did my best to answer the question, but I thought it was not convincing enough.

Ada beberapa aspek lain yang menghantui saya. Tapi setidaknya saya menjawab pertanyaan dengan cukup lancar dan bisa menjaga suasana wawancara agar tetap menyenangkan.

Kalau ditanya tips untuk wawancara, hanya ada beberapa hal yang bisa saya sarankan:
  1. Persiapkan diri dengan baik. Cari info tentang jurusan yang mau diambil dan kampusnya (peringkat, kualitas pendidikan, dan lain-lain); cari info tentang kota tempat tinggalnya; dan cari argumen yang kuat dibalik keputusan tersebut. Saya sih ngerasa keren banget setelah wawancara karena saya telah memaparkan fakta-fakta tentang York dan University of York (jumlah mahasiswa Indonesia,  ada berapa masjid dan restoran halal, bagaimana cara ke sana dari London, dan sebagainya) yang menunjukkan kalau saya memang sudah siap dan tahu situasi di sana. 
  2. Be relaxed. Santai aja, jangan dibawa tegang. Make a few appropriate jokes. Smile a lot. Those interviewer spent the whole day listening to other candidates, so the least you can do for them is be nice and interesting. 
  3. Tips paling klise sedunia: Just be yourself. Eh ya tapi emang bener. Prepare yourself, but don't be someone else, because they will know. Ada peserta lain yang cerita kalau temannya dikomentarin "kamu palsu deh... bukan diri kamu sendiri" sama psikolog yang mewawancara. It was mean, but they can really sense it if you're pretending to be someone you're not.
  4. Supaya lebih siap, baca ulang esay-esay yang udah ditulis. Pikirin lagi tentang kontribusi yang bisa diberikan ke Indonesia melalui bidang studi yang dipilih, dan apakah hal itu feasible untuk dilakukan di Indonesia.
  5. Beberapa teman saya bercerita bahwa interview mereka personal banget, bisa sampai berkaca-kaca atau bahkan nangis jawabnya. Kalo gitu, prepare for the worst aja ya, dan tunjukkan kalau dibalik semua masalah yang dimiliki, kita tetep bisa kuat dan konsisten menyelesaikan komitmen yang dimiliki.


Tes LGD (Leaderless Group Discussion) LPDP

Besoknya, saya harus kembali untuk melakukan tes LGD. Tahap seleksi LGD baru dilakukan tahun ini, sehingga ketika saya melakukannya, belum ada satu pun orang yang menceritakan prosesnya di internet (makanya saya bertekad untuk menulis sesuatu kalau memang saya lolos tahap ini). LGD mungkin saja dilakukan di hari yang sama dengan wawancara, atau bahkan sebelum wawancara; tergantung jadwal masing-masing.

Kelompok saya terdiri dari 7 orang. Sebelum sesi dimulai, lagi-lagi saya berbincang dengan peserta lain. Saya menarik kesimpulan bahwa kebanyakan topik diskusi adalah seputar pendidikan. Ah, cincai, batin saya dengan congkaknya. Congkak banget, tapi sebagai sarjana psikologi yang sedang berprofesi sebagai guru, pendidikan adalah hal yang sangat menarik untuk didiskusikan. 

Begitu masuk ke ruangan diskusi, ada artikel koran di atas meja. Satu lembar artikel beserta lima pertanyaan lanjutan yang harus kami jawab mengenai kontroversi kebijakan pelarangan ekspor Minerba. Bah! Minerba singkatan dari apa aja saya nggak tau. Bah! Bahaya!

Satu orang anggota kelompok berdiri untuk mencatat jalannya diskusi di papan tulis (sekaligus untuk menjadi pemimpin diskusi sih, secara nggak langsung). Ia meminta anggota kelompok untuk memperkenalkan diri. Saya kemudian meminta supaya setiap orang menyebutkan latar belakang pendidikannya, supaya diskusi berjalan dengan lebih optimal (dan supaya orang-orang maklum kalau saya nggak tau apa-apa... hahaha). Setelah semuanya memperkenalkan diri, saya makin panik. Ada yang kerja di oil & gas company, ada dua orang dari ekonomi, ada yang dari teknik. "Saya dari fakultas psikologi. Nggak nyambung sama sekali sama topiknya yah, hehe. Makanya harap maklum kalau saya hanya bisa memberikan komentar dari sudut pandang awam ya teman-teman..." Yep, saya mati gaya dan nggak tau lagi bahkan harus ngomong apa. "I'm so dead and stupid" beberapa kali melintas di dalam pikiran saya. 

Saya akhirnya mengajukan diri untuk mencatat jawaban di kertas. Sederhana saja, saya harus tetap berguna di kelompok. Saya akhirnya berbicara seperlunya (kelompok saya cukup baik karena membagi giliran bicara, jadi saya terpaksa berkomentar meskipun pasti kontennya cetek). Sepanjang diskusi, bahkan sampai sesaat sebelum pengumuman, saya merasa bodoh sekali. Saya harusnya lebih peka terhadap isu-isu di Indonesia, meskipun tidak ada kaitannya dengan program studi saya, dan meskipun saya sama sekali tidak tertarik dengan hal tersebut. Beneran deh, kalau politik, agama, atau pendidikan, saya masih bisa nyambung; tapi kalau udah menyangkut ekonomi dan alam........ Duh.

Saya nggak berhenti menyalahkan diri sendiri karena kurang persiapan. Saya juga akhirnya mencoba untuk ikhlas dan berusaha untuk menerima kemungkinan terburuk yang mungkin terjadi.

Setelah melakukan refleksi diri dan mengobservasi teman-teman sekelompok, inilah tips yang mungkin bisa saya bagi untuk menghadapi LGD LPDP. 
  1. BACA KORAN! Baca koran sebelum LGD supaya tahu topik apa aja yang lagi hangat, termasuk opini masyarakat (atau tokoh masyarakat,  atau jurnalis) mengenai isu tersebut. Begitu sampai rumah, saya langsung buka beberapa koran Kompas dan menemukan banyak artikel tentang Minerba. Rasanya gemes karena kalau saya baca koran sebelumnya mungkin saya nggak terlihat sebodoh itu. 
  2. Jangan terlalu menonjol dan ambisius. Beri kesempatan bagi orang lain untuk menyampaikan argumennya, asertif dalam menanggapi pendapat orang lain (jangan terlalu nunjukin kalau nggak setuju), tapi jangan cuma diem juga, apalagi kalau isunya memang sesuatu yang kamu kuasai. Salah satu anggota kelompok LGD yang saya adore banget adalah peserta yang hanya beberapa kali bicara tapi omongannya berisi dan menyelesaikan masalah. She also got in, obviously. 
  3. Kalau bener-bener nggak tau harus ngomong apa, cari kerjaan lain. Ini tips sotoy sih, but that's exactly what I did. Saya cuma jadi penengah dan notulen, cuma bicara tiga kali, dan membacakan kesimpulan diskusi di akhir. 
  4. Kenalan dengan kelompok LGD. Biasanya teman satu kelompok ini dipanggil bersama-sama saat verifikasi berkas. Kenalan deh, bahkan ngobrol kalau perlu. Ini berguna banget untuk mencairkan suasana dan untuk nyiapin mental.
  5. Jangan minder dengan peserta lain, atau bahkan malah meremehkan mereka. Dalam seleksi LPDP, tidak ada kuota jumlah penerima beasiswa. Kita akan dinyatakan lolos jika memenuhi kriteria yang telah ditetapkan oleh LPDP. Saingan kita bukan peserta lain, melainkan diri kita sendiri. Jadi nggak usah terlalu show-off atau "sikut-sikutan" juga pas LGD. Lebih menyenangkan kalau semua teman sekelompok bisa lolos kan ya? :) 

Anyway, kayaknya pengalaman saya negatif banget ya? Pas wawancara saya cukup optimis sih, karena suasana wawancaranya menyenangkan, tapi pas LGD saya bener-bener ngerasa jelek dan langsung putus harapan setelahnya. So imagine how surprised I am to hear the news! Maybe it's something that I said or did, maybe it's one of Allah's miracle, tapi ternyata somehow saya bisa lolos tahap wawancara dan LGD.

Jadi ini tips terakhir dari saya: Berdoa.  Berdoa berdoa berdoa. Berdoa yang banyak. Puasa yang banyak, terus banyak berdoa ketika waktu sahur dan berbuka. Allah nggak pernah bohong. Allah nggak pernah lupa. Miracles do happen if He allows them to. 

Sekian tips dari saya. Semoga kesalahan-kesalahan yang saya lakukan bisa jadi bahan pembelajaran untuk kamu ya. Semoga tipsnya berguna.

Goodluck! 

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

The Happiest Countries

Happiness might be overrated, but apparently it is one of the few things I value in life. To live a content life is a part of my daily prayers that I say every day. Maybe that's why I found reading about it fascinating. 

During my days in college, I always found bliss in reading journals about happiness. I love to find its correlation with faith, family, career, and anything else. After I graduated, I became too lazy to read scientific papers, so I started to read a lot of self-help books and psychology-today article about happiness. It became one of my guilty pleasure, because I realized how shallow it is yet it still feels fascinating. I no longer fancy fiction books. I'd rather read the self-help one instead. I read a lot of books about happiness, from the scientific-based one to the very shallow one - the one written with quotes and supposedly inspirational stories to inspire the readers. 

Then I found a book about happiness that's written in a different way. The author,  Eric Weiner, is a journalist who loves reading self-help books and is inquisitive about the concept of happiness. He wants to know what do happy people do, and what makes a country happy. He visited Ruut Veenhoven, a researcher specialized in subjective well-being, the fancy name for happiness. Veenhoven's method is quite arguable, I think, because he measures happiness by only asking "how happy you are?" to each participants.

"You can have a disease and not know it. But you can't be happy and not know it. By definition, if you are happy, you know it." - Ruut Veenhoven (on why he measures happiness that way)
Weiner then traveled to a lot of countries based on a list he got from Veenhoven: Switzerland, Qatar, Bhutan, Iceland, United Kingdom, India, and a lot more. He depicted each places in detailed descriptions, and embellished his story with his own witty, blunt thoughts. I can really feel what's different in each country, and what makes each of them special.

This is not a qualitative research about happy places in the world. This is just a story of a journalist who likes to travel and feels skeptical about felicity. He visited a few countries and interviewed a few locals. It only explains a couple of people who live in the country - not the whole country - so what he wrote probably is not entirely happen in each people living in the particular country. But still, it's compelling.

Every country has its own story, its own culture, and its own definition of bliss. And Weiner successfully made me feel blissful just by reading a book about bliss. I read books about happiness quite often, but I suppose this is the first book that made me feel actually happy.





"Maybe happiness is this: not feeling that you should be elsewhere, doing something else, being someone else."
- Eric Weiner

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

About some dreams

Last night, I dreamt that I didn't get the scholarship. 

I was not on my best me when I was on the interview, due to the lack of sleep and preparation (because I went straight from the airport). I thought I did fine, but the more I think about it, the more I think of something better to say during the interview. I should have said this, I should not do that. Oh, and my interview was conducted in English, whilst other candidates told me that almost every interview there was in Bahasa. It could be an advantage or a drawback for me, and I don't know which one is.

I obviously ruined the LGD by having no prior knowledge about the issue discussed. I keep defending myself because the topic is beyond my expertise and I just got back from a holiday so I haven't read about any issue regarding my own country, but actually, it was still stupid, and it was on me.  I should have prepared myself better. And read newspapers more often.

Moreover, my essays are just mediocre and I don't think I have a strong, convincing argument about why should I study abroad. Again, I used to think that they're good, until I start using my "typical-psychology-student-brain" to reanalyze them and found that I should have done better. 

Whatever the result is, I think I'm ready. I clearly deserve it. At least I have tried, and at least I have the willingness to go out of the comfort zone and to strive.  

But since it has not made yet, maybe you can work some miracles, Allah? I kind of need one. 

Update:
Two days later, I had a similar dream. Same situation, different result. I evidently have been thinking about it too much, and it has been bugging me for several days. But hopefully this is the dream that will eventually be the reality.


Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Hong Kong: Indonesian Migrant Workers

My mother is an Islamic preacher. When I went to Hong Kong,  she was staying there for a month to teach Indonesian Migrant Workers (IMW - or the one we called TKW / BMI) who works as domestic helpers more about Islam. In order to do that, she had to spend most of her time here with them, socializing and listening to their problems and needs. Because I stayed with my mom there, I also spent quite a long time with them.

I saw a lot of immigrant workers everyday and hundreds of them on Sunday because they have a day off on that day. They are varied, from the one with long hijab to the lesbians. I'm not a homophobic yet I'm not fond of them either, especially because Hong Kong IMW's lesbianism mostly happen as a cause of lifestyle and prior experience, not because "they were born that way". So forgive me if I can't really put myself in their shoes and find it uncomfortable to see them doing public display of affection at the park. I do feel bad for them, though, and I personally think they need a professional help to heal their sadness and trauma without changing their sexual orientation.

Some of the IMW are pious and smart, though. They can even speak proper Bahasa, English, and Cantonese. You can have a chat with them and discuss about a lot of thing: politics, religion, education, et cetera.

Hong Kong IMW got a very high salary, compared to the Indonesian maids, of course. The minimum wage standard is about HKD 3800 (almost IDR 6 million), but they can get a lot more with more experience. That amount of money is not enough to survive in Hongkong if you have to pay for rent and food, but of course as a domestic helpers who live in their employers' home, they don't have to think about it. It sure is a hell of lot of money for Indonesians! After sending a little of money home, some of them spent the money by buying expensive clothes to make them look like a Hong Kongese, but the smart one save the money to do umrah or for their future plan. 

Things are not always pretty, of course. An IMW told us that everything depends on their employers. If she is lucky, they can be very supportive of her faith, but there were some cases when they restrict their domestic helpers to pray and eat halal food. But in Hong Kong, the government will protect them with the law, as well as a lot of NGO that provide shelter (as a place to stay when they have problems with their employers) and help. She said that Singapore law is the best one that can protect IMW, followed by Hong Kong. Getting physical and sexual abuse from their employer is very uncommon here. It's a shame though, knowing that people in Saudi Arabia treats IMW worse than people here in Hong Kong. It's a shame because Islam should also be seen in the way we behave, not only seen in our blood and they way we praise God. It's a shame that non-Muslim people living in a non-Muslim country behave in more Islamic way than the Muslims living in a Muslim country.

Getting to know the IMW is one of the highlight of my trip to Hong Kong. I got a chance to know them and listen to their stories from their own perspective. I also learned from their strength and their willingness to learn about Islam (because the one I interact with are the one who wants to - that's why my mother knows them). They have strong faith and not afraid to stand up for themselves if someone prohibit them to praise Allah and to practice Islam. They felt lost beforehand, until they realized that faith can definitely help if you are away and have no one to hold on to. With Allah and religious community around them, they found a new strength to survive.

That's what we should all be doing when we are in doubt and feeling lost: holding on to God and our beliefs.



Because even if we don't know what to do, He knows. He always does.

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