Tuesday, April 8, 2014

About some dreams

Last night, I dreamt that I didn't get the scholarship. 

I was not on my best me when I was on the interview, due to the lack of sleep and preparation (because I went straight from the airport). I thought I did fine, but the more I think about it, the more I think of something better to say during the interview. I should have said this, I should not do that. Oh, and my interview was conducted in English, whilst other candidates told me that almost every interview there was in Bahasa. It could be an advantage or a drawback for me, and I don't know which one is.

I obviously ruined the LGD by having no prior knowledge about the issue discussed. I keep defending myself because the topic is beyond my expertise and I just got back from a holiday so I haven't read about any issue regarding my own country, but actually, it was still stupid, and it was on me.  I should have prepared myself better. And read newspapers more often.

Moreover, my essays are just mediocre and I don't think I have a strong, convincing argument about why should I study abroad. Again, I used to think that they're good, until I start using my "typical-psychology-student-brain" to reanalyze them and found that I should have done better. 

Whatever the result is, I think I'm ready. I clearly deserve it. At least I have tried, and at least I have the willingness to go out of the comfort zone and to strive.  

But since it has not made yet, maybe you can work some miracles, Allah? I kind of need one. 

Two days later, I had a similar dream. Same situation, different result. I evidently have been thinking about it too much, and it has been bugging me for several days. But hopefully this is the dream that will eventually be the reality.

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