Tentang Mengajar dan Belajar

Belum genap satu bulan saya mengajar di sekolah ini. Ketika pertama melangkahkan kaki ke bagian special education, perasaan saya berkecamuk. Ketika itu, saya adalah sarjana baru yang kepalanya dipenuhi teori-teori psikologi, termasuk teori-teori tentang anak dengan kebutuhan khusus. Tapi praktiknya? Berinteraksi dengan mereka saja saya belum pernah. Bagaimana kalau saya tidak sabar menghadapi mereka? Bagaimana kalau mereka semua mengacuhkan saya? Bagaimana kalau saya tidak bisa mendapatkan perhatian mereka? Bagaimana kalau mereka tidak menyukai saya? Duh.

Ketakutan saya mulai hilang ketika berhadapan langsung dengan mereka: empat belas anak yang merebut perhatian saya dengan segera. Ada yang ramah – bahkan terlalu ramah, ada yang terlihat kaku tapi diam-diam mendekati saya sambil membawa majalah tentang kereta dan menceritakan saya segala hal yang ia ketahui tentang kereta, ada juga yang menatap saya dengan tatapan jutek – meskipun minggu berikutnya saya mulai mengenal dia dan mengetahui kalau wajah dan gaya berbicaranya memang seperti itu, meskipun ia sebenarnya sangat baik dan penurut. Empat belas anak ini benar-benar berbeda satu sama lain. Mereka memiliki keunikannya sendiri-sendiri.

Meskipun di sekolah ini saya menjadi ‘ibu guru’, rupanya bukan hanya mereka yang mendapatkan pelajaran dari saya. Saya pun belajar banyak dari mereka. Dari anak-anak ini, saya belajar tentang persistensi dan resistensi – tentang perjuangan dan kegigihan. Sebagai sarjana baru, saya dan teman-teman saya kerap memperbincangkan dunia nyata yang kejam. Dunia nyata itu kejam, penuh tantangan, dan tidak semudah yang kami inginkan. Tetapi ketika melihat anak-anak ini sedang berjuang, saya tertegun. Kalau saya saja merasa dunia ini kejam dan penuh dengan tantangan, bagaimana dengan anak-anak ini?

Bayangkan saja, mereka bahkan harus belajar dan menahan diri mereka untuk tidak tertawa atau senyum-senyum sendiri jika tidak ada stimulus yang jelas, menatap mata lawan bicara, menjawab pertanyaan yang dilontarkan orang lain, bersabar saat menunggu giliran, tidak bergumam di tengah-tengah pelajaran, menyapa orang lain yang dikenal saat berpapasan, dan lain-lain. Mereka harus berusaha keras untuk melakukan hal-hal yang biasa kita lakukan secara otomatis.

Mereka juga harus berjuang keras untuk melakukan operasi matematika sederhana, seperti penjumlahan, pengurangan, serta mengenali dan memberikan nominal uang yang tepat. Di hari ketiga saya mengajar, saya sudah membuat seorang anak menangis karena saya melarang ia untuk keluar kelas sebelum berhasil menyelesaikan soal yang saya berikan. Anak ini sudah kelas empat SD, tapi masih kebingungan saat melakukan pengurangan dua digit dengan metode susun ke bawah. “It’s really hard, Bu, I can’t do it.” Melihat ia menangis, saya ikutan sedih, dan bahkan hampir meneteskan air mata. Saya hampir saja luluh dan mempersilakan dia untuk meninggalkan ruangan kelas bersama temannya yang lain, tapi guru-guru yang lain serta teori-teori yang saya pelajari ketika kuliah mengajarkan saya untuk tegas dan konsisten dalam menerapkan peraturan. Saya pun terus menambahkan soal karena dia belum juga berhasil, sambil menuntunnya agar berhasil menemukan jawaban yang benar. “Ayo, dicoba lagi!” “Sedikit lagi!” “Satu nomor lagi ya…” Sampai akhirnya, dia berhasil menjawab soal yang saya berikan, serta dua  soal tambahan yang saya berikan untuk memastikan bahwa ia benar-benar telah mengerti. Anak itu tersenyum bangga. “Susah atau gampang, Go?” tanya saya. “It’s easy, Bu!!!” katanya, seolah lupa kalau beberapa menit yang lalu ia baru saja menangis karena merasa tidak sanggup mengerjakan soal yang saya berikan.

Christopher Reeves pernah bilang,

“Anyone can give up, it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that’s true strength.”

Maka anak-anak hebat ini mencerminkan kekuatan yang sesungguhnya, karena mereka tidak pernah letih untuk mencoba – bahkan ketika guru mereka memaklumi kondisi mereka, karena mengerti bahwa kapasitas yang mereka miliki memang berbeda dengan anak-anak lain yang sebaya.

Dari anak-anak ini, saya juga belajar untuk bersyukur. Saya belajar untuk mensyukuri hal-hal yang Tuhan berikan untuk saya, yang selama ini saya abaikan – seperti kemampuan untuk memenuhi ekspektasi lingkungan tanpa harus mengerahkan usaha yang terlalu banyak. Saya juga belajar untuk mensyukuri hal-hal kecil yang ada di sekitar saya. Saya bersyukur karena Tuhan membuka jalan saya untuk bertemu dengan mereka: empat belas anak hebat, kesayangan saya. Saya bersyukur karena bisa menemukan kebahagiaan-kebahagiaan kecil setiap hari, seperti saat mendengar mereka melontarkan komentar-komentar lucu dengan wajah yang polos, atau kebahagiaan yang lebih luar biasa lagi: ketika melihat mereka berhasil dan ketika melihat mereka menunjukkan performa yang lebih baik daripada ekspektasi yang saya buat sebelumnya.

Suatu sore, setelah berhasil mengikuti semua perintah saya saat ekskul melukis, seorang anak bertanya kepada saya, “Ibu Ayas bangga?”

Anak itu mungkin tidak benar-benar mengerti apa arti kata ‘bangga’ dan seberapa dalam makna kata itu—setidaknya bagi saya, tapi saya tidak perlu berpikir panjang untuk mengangguk dengan yakin. Tentu saja Ibu Ayas bangga sama kalian semua!

 Belum genap satu bulan saya mengajar di sekolah ini. Tapi saya sudah jatuh cinta.

(Ditulis sebagai bagian dari proyek buku tentang pengalaman mengajar anak-anak dengan kebutuhan khusus yang ditulis oleh special education teachers di Sekolah Cita Buana, dalam rangka merayakan Autism Awareness Day 2013).

About The Little Ambition

As I wrote before, being a special education teacher has taught me a lot, because I have to apply those theory I've studied for the past 3,5 years in real live. I've learned how to treat children with autistic spectrum disorder, how to be patient while working with children, how to discipline children and be consistent with every rule we've made, how to give the balanced amount of love and discipline, how to explain things based on the kid's cognitive level, and other how-tos.

I also enjoy observing the kids. My latest interest is asking the kids to draw a person, family, or house-tree-person. Yes, those are some of the drawing that are used as psychological tests, that, believe it or not, can actually determine someone's personality. I obviously can't make a proper interpretation yet, but I took a picture of their drawings and save it, so I might study about it later, after I become a psychologist and therefore able and am allowed to interpret it.

I also learned how family structure and involvement could really, really affect kids' development. The facility that the parents give is important, but not as important as the parents' willingness to help their kids and to always be there for them. I already knew it, but now I know that it matters that much - especially with the kids that have special needs who always need to be helped by adults. So here's my note for the future-me: always put your kids first - no matter what.

I know that being a teacher doesn't sound so fancy, and I know some people think that an-UI-graduate is way too good to be one, but I'm grateful to chose the job. Being a teacher means helping some kids be a better person. It also one of the job that can help me reach heaven, because my religion taught me that the beneficial knowledge that a person left in the world will still be counted as a good deed even if that person has passed away. And I know I know that the experience will give me a lot life lessons that I will need: how to be a good psychologist, how to be a good wife, how to be a good mother, and how to be a better person. 

I would gladly do this every day, but here's the thing: it might not be enough for me, because I have an ambition too, to be a child psychologist in 2015. I've made that plan since I was still a freshman. And here's the thing: I might be messy and unorganized, but when it comes to decide and do things, I always stick to my plan, and work my tail off to get what I planned to.

So yes, making a decision whether to try to stay for one more year or to stick to my plan is a one hell of a decision to make. I know that if I extend this for a year, I will get more new things to find and learn, but I don't know if I'm ready to do that. I'm not sure if I'm ready to postpone the dream, and to change the plan I've made. I won't be changing the dream, actually, but only putting a pause in the middle of it. But still, I'm not ready to do that.

I have no idea what to choose, and what would it affect me in the future. I love this job, but I hate not to complete my plan on time, that's all I know for now.

__

During my job interview, my boss, knowing that I'm still 19 and have finished my study faster than the normal period, asked me, "are you a high-achiever?"

I took a long pause, because I actually have no idea. And then I replied, though doubtfully, "I don't think so."

But right now, I guess that I am. If the idea of postponing a dream for just another year scared me this much, maybe I am. I always know that I'm a driven person, but I just realized that maybe I'm just a little too ambitious. I don't know if that's good or bad, though. But I sure know how to get past this: to find as many good things as I could that I would get if I chose to make a little change in the plan. 

Three years ago, God slapped me in the face and didn't let me to get what I want for the first time in my life. I was so sad and frustrated, realizing that it was unfair and that I deserved to get it, but then I try to get up and do something: I try to choose another path. Today, if I think about that moment in my life, I can say that I'm so grateful that He did that, because I know exactly what I'd miss if I stick to my old plan. I finally found out that the way I was walking through is better than the way that I once wanted to walk through. It also taught me to be resilient and to always look for the silver lining.

So please, yaa Rasyid, The Guide, please guide me to the right path. Please do show me which way is better for me and prove it to be a better one.

After all, You know me better than I know myself.

Those Special Kids

This week was my first week of working. I work as a teacher assistant at special education department in Sekolah Cita Buana. For now, it's only a temporary job - only for three months. After that, I will have to make a decision whether to continue my study (if I get accepted) or postpone it for a while and stay at least for another year (if I have the chance to).

I will write about it, based on some questions that was usually asked by my acquaintances.

What does 'special education' means?

Special education means education program for kids with special needs, or in another term, kids with disability that makes it hard for them to do some activities like any other kid, so they need to be treated differently. Each of them need an individualized learning plan - a tailor-made one, because even when they have the same disability, they are very different from each other. They need extra attention from their teachers, because to make a good tailor-made plan, the teachers have to know every single details about them.

There are a whole lot of type of them, but most of the kids in my department are dealing with ASD (Autistic Spectrum Disorder) or borderline (very mild) Intellectual Disability (the new term for Mental Retardation) -  also known as Slow Learner (because they really need time to process something, that's why most of the mean laymen will just call them as 'stupid').

What's so great about them?

Autistic kids have problem in their social skill, besides the problem in behavior and communication skill. It's really hard for them to empathize or to see things from other people's point of view. It's hard for them to observe the situation and adjust themselves to suit that. That's why, one of the most important thing that might be taught to them is how to be polite to other people. How to act normal around people, how to say something nice, how to know what to say in every particular situation, how to stare at people while talking, and other things like that. They are also told to greet people they meet. It makes it easier for me to mingle when I had a teaching demonstration (as part of the selection process), because some of the kids came to me and asked bluntly, "who are you?", or "what's your name?", or "ibu siapa?", or "are you a new teacher?". It made things easier for me, because all I had to do is answer them and continue the conversation. And I'm so touched to know that two week after the teaching-demo (and after I was told that I got the job), I came back for my first day, and most of them still remember my name. I mean, they only met me for a day, and they remember my name the next two weeks before? How cool is that!

But, of course, that's not all.

I love them because they always struggle in school. They always work so hard, and they never stop trying. They have limited capacity, but the environment is pushing them to be like any other people, so yes, they are struggling real hard. Most of the times, they fail at first. But then the teacher push them, they struggle, they do their best, they fail again, they cry, they try again, and then finally succeed, and feel proud of themselves because they can prove their teacher that they can meet their expectation. 

I love to help them do that. Helping them to perform to reach their potential level feels awesome. Beyond, awesome. Teaching an autistic kid about how to do subtraction or to count backward is more fun and challenging than teaching my sister about the most complicated math lesson for a student her grade. It is more challenging for them, because they have some problem with their mind - and more challenging for me (or any teacher), because I have to use the simplest word that I can find, and I have to be patient to wait and explain it to them all over again, until they can finally do it. But, once they can do it, the feeling of happiness I felt is just... priceless.

What is Sekolah Cita Buana?

It's a partial-inclusive school in Jakarta Selatan. It's a bilingual school (yet of course, english is used more often) with national plus curriculum, so the school is super-pricey and can only be afforded by those with filthy-rich parents. So yes, in our department, we deal with kids who come from a wealthy family, but has a disability. They were so lucky that they came from rich parents who can afford a school this good, yet this expensive.

The other school where I had my internship at, Sekolah Cikal, is also an inclusive school. But it's a full-inclusive one, so it has pretty different approach for the special needs kids. In my own opinion, Sekolah Cita Buana has a much better approach for the special needs kids. I really love the teaching techniques and tricks. Besides, most of the teachers in my department (Learning Center) were from faculty of psychology, Universitas Indonesia, too, so I trust them more, and I really like the fact that all of them are passionate about and crazy about the kids. These great teachers are not just teaching the kids, they're educating them.

Learning Center?

So, Sekolah Cita Buana has three sub departments of the special education department: Special Need (SN) for primary students with moderate (or below) disability, Learning Center (LC) for primary students with mild until moderate disability, and TEC for middle and high school special needs students. As I wrote before, I work in LC. 

So, how many kids are there? 

They are 14 kids in LC: Fikri the train-maniac who is really good at playing gamelan, Joey the handsome one who told me that his dad has a Ferrari, Nicole the cutest one who is very friendly and lovable, Shakira who has a sweet smile and is super pretty, Rizqi who is also friendly and was made crying by me on my fourth day during Math, Owen who asks a lot of questions and very talkative, Gio the nice kid who is extremely shy, Sylvanna with the 'drama'-tone voice who is so obedient, Jordan the talented swimmer who likes to sit on the corner or the back, Adit who keep saying 'Bu Ayas marah?' when I prohibit him to do something, Callie the 'bule' who can't stop giggling and is going through puberty, Kenan the childish one who is obsessed with The Smurfs and has the kind of cheek that you'd want to pinch all day, Wilbert with the javanese-accent who only came to LC once in a while, and Raffi, who is also a chatter and likes to joke (he said "I should've been in prison, Bu" after he told me his name - because it's like Raffi Ahmad's name). 

I will talk about them a lot for the last three months, that's for sure. But I think I won't write down their name when I wrote something detailed. 

So you teach all of the 14 kids?

No, of course not, because as I wrote before, they need to be taught one-by-one, so the teacher can really know their ability, their progress, and their potentials. In the classroom, a teacher only teaches two until five kids at once, with different education plan for each of them - different lesson, different level. So, yes, it's very challenging for the teacher. As a teacher assistant, one of my job is to help the teacher by helping the kids to do some worksheets, or by teaching them something when the main teacher's busy teaching other kids.

So how was it, working with them?

It's amazing. A-MA-ZING! I can't really describe it with words, but you'll know that I won't write this long if I wasn't this excited. It feels awesome to finally interact with those who I only read about before. They have their own limitation, but they are still cute, lovely angels.

This week gave me a lot of lesson and experiences already, and I'm thrilled to spend more weeks with them, helping them to study and studying about them at the same time.

It is the greatest feeling ever, knowing that you have a very cool job. It feels great to know that what you do is what you are so passionate about! 

It's been only a week, but I'm in love already.

I'm just in love with this job. I'm in love with those kids. Those special kids.