About some dreams

Last night, I dreamt that I didn't get the scholarship. 

I was not on my best me when I was on the interview, due to the lack of sleep and preparation (because I went straight from the airport). I thought I did fine, but the more I think about it, the more I think of something better to say during the interview. I should have said this, I should not do that. Oh, and my interview was conducted in English, whilst other candidates told me that almost every interview there was in Bahasa. It could be an advantage or a drawback for me, and I don't know which one is.

I obviously ruined the LGD by having no prior knowledge about the issue discussed. I keep defending myself because the topic is beyond my expertise and I just got back from a holiday so I haven't read about any issue regarding my own country, but actually, it was still stupid, and it was on me.  I should have prepared myself better. And read newspapers more often.

Moreover, my essays are just mediocre and I don't think I have a strong, convincing argument about why should I study abroad. Again, I used to think that they're good, until I start using my "typical-psychology-student-brain" to reanalyze them and found that I should have done better. 

Whatever the result is, I think I'm ready. I clearly deserve it. At least I have tried, and at least I have the willingness to go out of the comfort zone and to strive.  

But since it has not made yet, maybe you can work some miracles, Allah? I kind of need one. 

Update:
Two days later, I had a similar dream. Same situation, different result. I evidently have been thinking about it too much, and it has been bugging me for several days. But hopefully this is the dream that will eventually be the reality.

Hong Kong: Indonesian Migrant Workers

My mother is an Islamic preacher. When I went to Hong Kong,  she was staying there for a month to teach Indonesian Migrant Workers (IMW - or the one we called TKW / BMI) who works as domestic helpers more about Islam. In order to do that, she had to spend most of her time here with them, socializing and listening to their problems and needs. Because I stayed with my mom there, I also spent quite a long time with them.

I saw a lot of immigrant workers everyday and hundreds of them on Sunday because they have a day off on that day. They are varied, from the one with long hijab to the lesbians. I'm not a homophobic yet I'm not fond of them either, especially because Hong Kong IMW's lesbianism mostly happen as a cause of lifestyle and prior experience, not because "they were born that way". So forgive me if I can't really put myself in their shoes and find it uncomfortable to see them doing public display of affection at the park. I do feel bad for them, though, and I personally think they need a professional help to heal their sadness and trauma without changing their sexual orientation.

Some of the IMW are pious and smart, though. They can even speak proper Bahasa, English, and Cantonese. You can have a chat with them and discuss about a lot of thing: politics, religion, education, et cetera.

Hong Kong IMW got a very high salary, compared to the Indonesian maids, of course. The minimum wage standard is about HKD 3800 (almost IDR 6 million), but they can get a lot more with more experience. That amount of money is not enough to survive in Hongkong if you have to pay for rent and food, but of course as a domestic helpers who live in their employers' home, they don't have to think about it. It sure is a hell of lot of money for Indonesians! After sending a little of money home, some of them spent the money by buying expensive clothes to make them look like a Hong Kongese, but the smart one save the money to do umrah or for their future plan. 

Things are not always pretty, of course. An IMW told us that everything depends on their employers. If she is lucky, they can be very supportive of her faith, but there were some cases when they restrict their domestic helpers to pray and eat halal food. But in Hong Kong, the government will protect them with the law, as well as a lot of NGO that provide shelter (as a place to stay when they have problems with their employers) and help. She said that Singapore law is the best one that can protect IMW, followed by Hong Kong. Getting physical and sexual abuse from their employer is very uncommon here. It's a shame though, knowing that people in Saudi Arabia treats IMW worse than people here in Hong Kong. It's a shame because Islam should also be seen in the way we behave, not only seen in our blood and they way we praise God. It's a shame that non-Muslim people living in a non-Muslim country behave in more Islamic way than the Muslims living in a Muslim country.

Getting to know the IMW is one of the highlight of my trip to Hong Kong. I got a chance to know them and listen to their stories from their own perspective. I also learned from their strength and their willingness to learn about Islam (because the one I interact with are the one who wants to - that's why my mother knows them). They have strong faith and not afraid to stand up for themselves if someone prohibit them to praise Allah and to practice Islam. They felt lost beforehand, until they realized that faith can definitely help if you are away and have no one to hold on to. With Allah and religious community around them, they found a new strength to survive.

That's what we should all be doing when we are in doubt and feeling lost: holding on to God and our beliefs.

Because even if we don't know what to do, He knows. He always does.

Hongkong: The First Glance

I always save most of my wage to prevent myself for spending too much of it. Besides my phone, I never really buy something expensive. But then my mom has something to do in Hong Kong for a month, coincides with my one-week-mid-term holiday. I coincidentally got a great deal on the plane ticket, and so I decided to have a little adventure by myself. I was not sure to spend a lot of money for something that is not going to last, but I think I need a time off to just have fun and enjoy the 'now'. This is the money that I made by working hard, so I deserve to spend it, right?

I have never flied solo. I am not a traveler. So I prepared myself for the worst. Luckily, Hong Kong has one of the greatest transportation system in the world, so it's not hard for me to reach my mother's place by myself. 

The city bus

Hong Kong is a very comfortable country for a commuter. Bus, light bus (an elf-sized angkot), tram, MTR (subway), ferry, you name it. Everything is well-maintained and convenient. They are also relatively fast and affordable. The public-transportation users are not second-class citizens,  unlike in Indonesia.  There won't be any traffic jam (at least not as bad as in Jakarta)  because only the rich owns the car,  due to the tax and parking fee. I wouldn't want to use private cars too if I lived there.

And here's my favorite part: I can use octopus card (like flazz card in Indonesia) to pay for everything. I was just dreaming of paying for angkot with flazz because I don't like to carry cash, and I can really do it here! As someone who daily commutes to work without private car myself, I'm beyond happy to experience this. Seeing the transportation system, to be frank, made me feel embarrased of my own country. I really hope Indonesia will be as well-developed as Hong Kong when it comes to the transportation. 

(taken from Tumblr)

But it's not only the transportation. It's also about the citizen's culture and attitude. The Hong Kongese are very dicipline. They follow the rules. They are not lazy. They work hard and walk fast. They run when the MTR is just passing by, even though they know the next MTR is going to arrive in the next 2 minutes. They seem individualist and too work-driven, though, so I know they are not perfect either. From what I heard, most of them are also not willing to have children before they get settled. But even with their flaws, I think we Indonesians need to learn a lot from the Hong Kongese.

Hong Kong is a modern, highly-developed country. The government is clean and transparent. My mom's Indonesian friend who is a permanent resident of Hong Kong told us that the government once had "surplus" and treated the permanent resident by giving them HKD 6000 (around IDR 8 million) each, as a thank you gesture for always paying the tax. Imagine how much the government spend for its citizens! This thing will not happen in Indonesia, at least not anytime soon, I guarantee.

Hong Kong also has a lot of places to wander around and to have a quick getaway. Mountains,  peaks,  beaches, and parks are available nearby if you want to get fresh air.

A soothing view of Stanley Beach

A stunning view of the city from Victoria Peak

A peaceful view from the cable car at Ocean Park

Shopping malls, markets, amusement parks, and museums are also available if you want to spend your time.

The famous Bruce Lee,  found at Avenue of Stars

A part of "Sculpting the Living World" by Ju Ming,  found at Hongkong Museum of Art

"Water Drop" by Danny Lee,  found at Hongkong Museum Of Art

Old Hongkong,  found at Ocean Park

I fell in love with Hong Kong. I spent hours wandering around to explore the city by myself, something that I have never done in Jakarta. Heck, I have never even had lunch at a restaurant by myself before. I love to realized that pulling myself away from my usual crowds and be in solitude has given me serenity.

I also met a few new friends: An Indonesian and Filipino expatriates my age who struggles to survive living in the city and a few tourists who are friendly enough to start a conversation with me. It would not happen if I travel with large crowds or with my family, I suppose.

I should to this again someday: travel with just a few mates or even by myself, exploring new world and observing different types of people. Being a minority, and finding out that mosques do feel like home when I'm away. Those are the feeling I can't explain, and yet I got hooked on it.

Being in Hong Kong made me sure that I really want to spend at least a year abroad. If that's even possible. 

Gajah

 Setidaknya punya tujuh puluh tahun

Tak bisa melompat, ku mahir berenang

Bahagia melihat kawan yang betina

Berkumpul bersama sampai ajal

Besar dan berani berperang sendiri

Yang aku hindari hanya semut kecil

Otak ini cerdas, ku rakit berangka

Wajahmu tak akan pernah kulupa

Waktu kecil dulu, mereka menertawakan

Mereka panggil ku gajah

Ku marah

Kini baru ku tahu, puji di dalam olokan

(Mereka ingat ku marah)

Jabat tanganku, panggil aku gajah

Kau temanku, kau doakan aku

Punya otak cerdas

Aku harus tangguh

Bila jatuh, gajah lain membantu

Tubuhmu di situasi rela jadi tamengku

Kecil kita tak tahu apa-apa

Wajar bila terlalu cepat marah

Kecil kita tak tahu apa-apa

Yang terburuk kelak bisa jadi yang terbaik
Yang terburuk kelak bisa jadi yang terbaik

Kau temanku, kau doakan aku

Punya otak cerdas

Aku harus tangguh

Bila jatuh, gajah lain membantu

Tubuhmu di situasi rela jadi tamengku

- Gajah, written and sung by Tulus (2014)

The first time I heard that song through my earphone, I almost cried. The 'almost' exists because I was on a public place at the moment. The music and lyric was written wholeheartedly, and brings back so many memories from the past.

I used to be bullied at school, from primary until high school. "Gajah" was never my name, but my friends used to call me names. Names that are not really nice to hear.

I always wanted to look strong, though, so I just laughed about it. After all, my friends still loved me and still wanted to be my friend. After all, I was not the kind of children who get bullied, sit on the corner of the room, and have no friends. That's why, the submissive me kept telling myself that I didn't have to be upset about it. Yet sometimes I did cry at home when I couldn't handle it anymore. Kids are mean, especially around their preadolescence. Most of them can be obnoxious and disrespectful.

As I grew older, I learned to stop caring about bullies. I even realized that I should have pitied them. They were insecure, and they projected it into someone else's weaknesses, so that they could feel better about themselves. I learned to ignore their insults, and to think low of them.

However, even if I never liked it, being bullied helps me be who I am right now. It helps me learn that life cannot be impeccable all the time, and you have to suck it up. Being bullied as a child also made me be protective of those who are bullied. I'm going to be furious if some kids bullied my students, for instance.

Let's control ourselves not to make fun of other people, especially if we don't know them very well. Those people we made fun of is no less than us. Maybe we don't mean to hurt them, but a joke is no longer a joke if someone feels offended.